#could i dare to hope that any future post on this blog gets even a quarter as popular as those Virginia Woolf pictures from college

[benkiemphoto]

Spooky Spiderwebs on Black and White 35mm film 🕸🕷🕸

Posting on this blog for the first time in 8 years, hello!! Fixed my dad's old Nikon this summer that I hadn't used since high school, and I've been having a lot of fun getting back into film photography! So I will be posting more on here!

[megalony]

IV Injuries

This is a new James Wilson (House MD) imagine that I hope you will all like, any feedback would be amazing.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez-blog @jonesyaddiction @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me  @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod @ceres27 @avyannadawn  @noonenuts @sleepylunarwolf @coverupps @justagirlthatlovedtoread

Masterlist

Summary: (Y/n) helps the team look after a patient who takes a shine to her, but when she gets injured, it's her husband's turn to take care of her.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A rush of adrenaline sparked through (Y/n)'s stomach when she walked into the cafeteria and her eyes immediately landed on a familiar face. Coffee in hand, (Y/n) made a beeline towards James and let her fatigued frame flop down in the seat next to him.

She saw the way he tensed for a brief moment before he realised who it was plonking down next to him, and a soft smile pulled at his lips.

He watched her set down her take out cup of coffee before she turned towards him, curling her hands around his upper arm before she let her forehead fall onto his shoulder. He leaned back in his chair and pressed his lips against the top of her head, moving his hand to card his fingers through her hair for a few moments.

He hadn't seen her since they arrived to work this morning and subsequently parted ways to their different departments. James knew (Y/n) was supposed to be working in A&E today, but something told him she hadn't spent her morning there after all.

"Dare I ask how your day's going?" Eventually he turned his head back and took a bite of his sandwich. Lunch breaks weren't very long when they both worked in a hospital and he had skipped breakfast.

"House had a patient in A&E who took a shine to me… to cut it short, I've spent all morning with House."

(Y/n) was no stranger to Gregory House, she knew all his quirks and his strange ways and medical practices. But actually working with him was a lot different to having him come by her and James's house or drag them out for poker night. It didn't help when all his assumptions turned out to be wrong and no one had any clue what was happening to the patient.

When the patient- Adam- let (Y/n) take his blood, run urine samples and give him overall checks, but then wouldn't let House's team do anything, House dragged her from her post and back to his department for the day- or the foreseeable future depending on what was wrong with Adam.

Staying back in A&E would have been a lot more preferable to working under House, but (Y/n)'s dedication was to the patient and she couldn't leave him arguing and fighting with Cameron if he would cooperate just fine with her.

"Hm, if you're working with House you need to eat something." James pushed the other half of his sandwich towards his wife, raising his brows when she tried to shake her head. "Eat, you can't survive on coffee."

The look in his eyes made (Y/n) relent and take the sandwich, a grateful smile on her lips as she mixed some sugar into her coffee. House wasn't easy on breaks, not even lunch breaks or a ten minute breather to get a drink but (Y/n) had scampered off while the patient had visitors so she could refuel on some strong, sugary coffee. And James knew what it was like for those who worked for House, he didn't want (Y/n) becoming like them, tired and strung out and lacking a much needed rest.

"Do you think if I went back to A&E, House would come and drag me back?" It was tempting to just head back to her original post and if anyone asked, she was just needed on a consult or to help calm down a patient. No one asked questions when House walked in demanding. But if she went back and Adam continued to prove difficult, the team would most likely come looking for her and beg her to come back and help.

"Most likely. If he gets too annoying just go hide in my office."

"Thank you,"

(Y/n) kept one arm looped around James's upper arm and leaned her cheek on his shoulder while she took small bites of her sandwich. She would prolong lunch as much as she could and scrape together as much time with her husband as possible before she had to go back to the team.

But it was comforting to think that if House got too demanding or she was fed up being ordered around by him or the team, she could just sneak across to James's office and hide out there. She knew if she only asked, James would take her with him to any consults he had and just say it was for training or to have a calming female presence in the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Y/n) ran her fingers through her hair while she finished writing up her notes, leaning against the nurse's station. It was almost the end of her shift and she didn't care what House said, she would be leaving on time today. She wasn't technically part of his team so he couldn't force her to extend her shift and help.

She could barely contain her relief and excitement at the thought of leaving and heading home with James. But the satisfaction that was dwelling in her stomach slowly changed into dread when she looked down behind the counter she was leaning on and saw a flashing red light.

There was a code on room 107. Adam's room.

She thought about turning and running, James's office was only round the next corner, she could make a break for it and hide away in there so she didn't have to deal with this code.

(Y/n) had already taken three blood samples, a scratch test to see if he was allergic to anything. Checked his eyesight, set him up on three different antibiotic drips and done a lumbar puncture. And each time she did something new, Adam would grow continuously distressed, even when (Y/n) was the one doing the test. He was paranoid about something and he didn't want any more tests being done on him when he didn't understand what they were for or how they would help.

He had even started to get distressed when (Y/n) left the room, demanding to know where she was going and why she wasn't staying. It made her feel guilty even when she had no reason to, she felt like going to get a drink or going to consult with the team was almost a bad thing.

When the code continued to flash and a distinct crashing sounded, followed by Adam's high pitched shouting, (Y/n) sighed to herself.

She gathered what little strength and willpower she had left and sped down the hall towards Adam's room.

He was no longer sat up in bed, but rather stood near the window with what could only be described as fright written across his face. His pupils were blown wide and his breathing was erratic and he was holding the IV hook in front of him like the tall metal pole would provide some sort of cover or protection. He was glaring at Cameron, but when (Y/n) walked into the room, she swore his lip curled into a snarl in her direction.

"Adam, you okay? What's wrong?" Her eyes darted between him and Cameron, needing to know the situation since it was clearly escalating fast.

"She's trying to poison me."

"He needs an MRI, his liver is failing and he won't let me give him a sedative." Cameron moved her hand near (Y/n) to show the needle she was holding that contained a sedative. She knew Adam wasn't calm during any procedure and thought if he was sedated he would be a lot calmer and would let them do the scan but he wasn't having any of it.

"Adam, will you let me take you for the MRI? If your liver is failing we need to know why so we can help you."

(Y/n) tried to take a few steps closer to him but he only moved the IV line again so it was right in front of him and he was backed up towards the window. This wasn't just panic or paranoia, this was some sort of psychosis for him to believe they were going to hurt him. He had come to A&E willing and ready for help and now he believed they were here to hurt him.

"She wants to kill me, everyone does! I'm not doing anymore stupid tests. You hear me, none."

"Then will you get back into bed so you can rest?" If he wasn't going to cooperate then he may as well sit back down and try to calm down until they could figure out their next steps.

"So you can tie me down? No." He tutted and laughed cynically but the look in his eyes was manic. Despite their yellow undertone and blown pupils, his eyes were jittery and full of panic. Matched with the way he was jumping from foot to foot, ready to charge at any given moment, showed he was very ill.

"Adam, what do you want from us? If you won't let us help you and your liver fails, you could die." Cameron's words were meant to be reassuring but they had no effect on him.

He wasn't leaving them many options if he wouldn't go for the scan and he wouldn't even sit down on the bed and try to talk this through. They needed to sedate him and find out what was wrong before the mysterious illness destroyed his liver and killed him.

"You're just trying to scare me so I'll let you hurt me but I won't do it-"

"Cameron can find someone for you to talk to, you could speak to Doctor House, or the dean of medicine. And while she does that, you can sit in the chair over there and I'll wait with you. There's nothing on that chair that I could tie you down with and I don't want to do that Adam."

Looking to her right, (Y/n) locked eyes with Cameron and nodded at her to get her to agree. It was the only thing they could do that didn't involve pinning Adam down and sedating him so they could run their tests and prevent him from harming either himself or one of them. He hadn't met Cuddy yet, she could talk to him and give him the reassurance he needed whereas House's methods wouldn't be as gentle if Adam wanted to see him again.

When he didn't back away or start to scream, (Y/n) slowly took tenative steps towards him with her palms open at her sides to show him she had nothing to hurt him with. She wasn't trying to trick him or harm him or upset him, she just wanted to help him.

Cameron stepped over the threshold, about to go off and find Cuddy when a tortured sound left Adam's lips and he lunged.

He pushed the IV to one side and latched his fingers around (Y/n)'s throat tight enough to instantly cut off her air supply and send her stumbling backwards in shock.

Her hands came up to latch around his and she dug her nails fiercely into the back of Adam's hands to try and get him to relent but he was shaking with rage, too far gone to care or understand. The veins in his neck were throbbing and she could hear his teeth grinding down together as he forced her backwards until her lower back bashed into the bedframe.

She wanted to scream from the pain in her back and neck but all she could do was open her mouth and gasp while her eyes snapped closed and tears rolled down her cheeks.

He leered over her, snarling and spitting until a look of shock overwhelmed him and he suddenly let her go.

(Y/n) slumped down to her knees, croaking and gasping for air but she managed to look up through her tears. Cameron had given him the sedative while his back was turned towards her.

Grabbing up at the bedframe, (Y/n) used it to hoist herself onto unsteady legs but she wasn't quick enough to stop Adam from lashing out lashing the back of his hand across Cameron's face. The force sent her stumbling back and once she was off him, Adam backed away from both of them, shaking on his feet when his vision started to blurr.

(Y/n) wanted to speak, she wanted to tell him to calm down and sit down before he fell and ended up hurting himself. It was too late for him to panic and rage now because the sedative was going to come into effect within a minute, if not less. He was only going to end up in more distress and pain if he didn't try and listen and stop his tantrum of rage. But she couldn't speak.

Her throat was coarse and dry and her lungs were burning like they were on fire. She needed a drink, she needed to sit down and clear her foggy head.

"Adam!"

(Y/n) was in too much of a daze to realise what Adam was doing and Cameron wasn't quick enough to reach him before he lashed out.

His hands grabbed the IV pole and as quick as anything, despite his blinding rage and foggy mind from the sedation, he swung the pole. The thin metal caught the side of (Y/n)'s head like a beam of lightning striking her down and sent her to the floor in one swoop.

Everything turned to static in her ears and she didn't feel herself collide with the floor, even the pain she expected to feel in her head wasn't there. All she felt was numb as a sheet of blackness dwelled in front of her eyes, despite (Y/n) knowing she was still somewhat conscious.

She wasn't sure how long she laid there before her mind rebooted itself and everything came back to her in a slow, awkward order. The bright lights beaming down on her made her squint and blurred her vision into blobs of grey and yellow. Cameron's panicked voice and the sound of someone else saying her name came flooding through her ears like distant voices carried on the wind from far away. She could barely feel hands rummaging over her skin, trying to check her injuries and move her so she was lying on her back instead of her side.

But when the pain came back, it hit her like a train.

Her head felt like it had swelled ten times its size and the whole left side of her skull was on fire. She could feel each blood vessel throbbing in her head and pounding to the area that hurt the most. She could feel agonising tendrels of pain crawling along her head like snakes tracing all across her head. And thudding along with the blinding, splitting bolts in her head, her neck was aching and pulsing like it was starting to swell, but maybe that was just her imagination.

She didn't realise her hand had moved towards her head until her fingertips ever so gently grazed the sight of the pain and she coiled her hand back with a screech.

"(Y/n), can you hear me?"

"Hm," (Y/n) let Cameron and the other nurse in the room gently sit her up and let the blood drain back down from her head to the rest of her body.

"I should take a look at that for you," Cameron reached over to try and inspect the wound but (Y/n) caught her wrist before she could and threw it back at her. She didn't want Cameron or anyone else trying to patch her up.

With the help of the nurse, (Y/n) grabbed her shoulders and slowly fumbled up onto unsteady legs that were trembling and buckling beneath her but she forced them to stay upright. She needed to get out of here. Adam needed his MRI and (Y/n) wanted to be as far away from him as possible because this wasn't his fault but her anger was already being directed towards him and that wasn't right.

"(Y/n) where are you going, you need to be examined-"

"I- I'll find James."

(Y/n) didn't want anyone else but him. He was more than capable of examining her head and stitching it up, if indeed the wound was bad enough to require stitches. She didn't want anyone else watching over her or touching her. She just wanted her husband.

Besides, the sedative wouldn't last forever and with Chase and another nurse already in the room getting Adam hoisted back onto the bed, they would need to take him quick for his MRI. They had to be fast so they could start treating him before he woke up and started another fight.

Everything inside her told her to cradle her head, touch the wound or apply some sort of pressure in case the bleeding was substancial, but she couldn't. Touching it would cause blinding pain and she didn't need the added pain or stress or the threat of passing out, not until she had located her husband and was safely sat down with him.

(Y/n) didn't know what to do with her hands so she stuck with rubbing at her bruised neck and using her free hand to scale the wall and keep herself upright.

Her feet were bending and scuffing beneath her and her jelly legs were barely moving forward but at least her vision wasn't blurred anymore so she could see where she was going. It also meant that she could see the odd looks she gained from colleagues she passed and she adverted her eyes to the floor while she reached the end of the corridor and turned the corner.

Thank god James's office was close by.

Reaching his office struck a knife into her gut when she realised he could easily be examining, treating or consulting with a patient right now and therefore not be in his office. She would have to find someone to page him if he wasn't in and sit waiting in his office. Hopefully her minor wound wasn't extensive and would be fine if she waited a while for James.

Relief had never felt so good when she weakly tapped her knuckles on the door and heard a polite 'come in' from the other side.

"James, hun, it's me."

"Hi sweetheart. Did House actually let you leave on time?" James glanced at the watch strapped to his wrist before he glanced over at (Y/n) who quietly shut the door behind her before she walked over to him.

The smile on his face slowly started to fade when he took in her state; trembling limbs, unsteady steps, shallow breaths and blown pupils.

"Are you okay?" He turned his chair to the side when (Y/n) advanced towards him behind the desk and his eyes widened when she wasted no time in sitting down on his lap and curling her arms loosely around his neck. But it was the fact that she wasn't looking at him that put him on edge. That was, until his eyes raked over her face and noticed a large gash on the left side of her head that was oozing blood into her hair. "What happened?!"

His hands cupped her face in an instant and carefully turned her head to the side and tilted her chin down so he could get a better inspection of the wound.

"Sweetheart what happened?" His thumb brushed across her cheek but his eyes were focused intently on her head. It didn't look bad enough to require stitches, thankfully, but it still looked bad.

"House's patient had a psychotic episode. He caught me with the IV pole."

(Y/n) could feel the storm raging inside her head but when James went to touch the wound, she cried. Her fingers scratched into the back of his neck and her eyes screwed shut as she tried to compose herself and stay still so he could take a look.

"Christ, he took a good swing to do this… what else did he do?" His eyes scanned down (Y/n)'s face and stopped over her neck that was starting to bruise and turn a nasty shade.

"Nothing,"

"Yeah, that looks like nothing," There was a knowing look in his eyes and the way he pursed his lips told (Y/n) he wasn't going to push the subject but he wasn't happy about any of this either. He could easily see what had happened but if she wasn't talking about it then it wasn't something horrid or as bad as he would first assume. "I'll go grab something to patch you up."

He trailed his hands down her sides until they landed firmly on her hips and he gently manoeuvred her off his lap so he could stand up. There was nothing in his office he could use to clean the wound, he didn't usually have accidents in here and considering he worked in a hospital, there was no need for equipment in his office.

To (Y/n), it felt like James walked out the door and then straight back in again, she barely dropped her head into her hands before he was back in a flash. Maybe she did get a concussion; the whack must have been harder than she thought.

"(Y/n)… (Y/n)." James crouched down beside the desk and rubbed one hand over (Y/n)'s thigh while the other cupped her face and tilted her head to see if she had or was about to pass out. His voice was gentle but firm and (Y/n) managed a small groan as a response but she could feel herself smiling when his fingers moved to her pulse.

Her eyes followed his finger from left to right without him needing to tell her, she watched closely and continuously until he was satisfied she was able to focus and wasn't at risk of passing out.

"Can you stand, I need you on the couch?"

"Yeah," Her hands locked on his outstretched arms and she was grateful when he let her lean her weight onto him while he guided her over towards the couch beneath the window.

The relief washed over (Y/n) instantly when she sat down and let herself slump into the cushions. She wanted to tip her head back and go to sleep but she forced herself to keep her neck straight and her head up so James would be able to see what he was doing to patch her up. He sat on her left side, smiling when she reached across to hold his thigh.

"This will sting,"

(Y/n) tried to brace herself but just the feel of the cotton wool dabbing at her head made her go dizzy and sent her stomach reeling. She resorted to closing her eyes and squeezing James's leg until her nails were almost merged into his skin and her neck started to shake from how tense she held herself.

James was careful dabbing the antiseptic across the wound before he held some gauze gently to her head to stem the last of the blood. When he was certain the bleeding had stopped, he cleaned the rest of the blood from the side of her face and the little bits that had dribbled down into her hair.

"You don't need stitches thank God, give it ten minutes and I'll get you a cold compress. Do you feel sick?" He didn't dare put a compress on her head now in case it gave her shock or made her blackout. When he knew she had calmed down and relaxed, he would find a compress to stop any swelling and relieve a small amount of pain she must be feeling.

"A little,"

James briefly stood up and headed back to his desk to grab the small paper medicine pot and the paper cup of water he brought back with him. He took the liberty of stopping by the chemist on the way back up and grabbed some painkillers and something to reduce any swelling.

"Take these, they'll numb your head for a bit."

"Thank you,"

The cold water felt soothing on her sore throat that no doubt would be tender for the next few days but not as bad as her head was going to feel and she groaned just at the thought.

Once the tablets were washed down, (Y/n) slowly twisted round until she could lay down with the good side of her head resting on James's lap. She coiled her knees up to her stomach and took the liberty of grabbing his hand so she could bind his arm against her chest. It was soothing to feel his fingers raking through her hair and see him smiling gently down at her before she closed her eyes.

"Thanks for taking care of me."

"Always."

[xpao-bearx]

"Like A Virgin"

Steven Grant x Fem!Reader/Jake Lockley x Fem!Reader/Marc Spector x Fem!Reader

Read Part 1 HERE

Read Part 3 HERE

Read Part 4 HERE

NOTES: Y'ALL the way my jaw literally DROPPED when not even H A L F a minute after I posted the first part, you guys were already exploding my notifs which I wasn't expecting AT ALL I swear Oscar Isaac's really got us sluts in a chokehold O_o

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUU!!! 😭❤️❤️❤️ This is truly wonderful and encourages me a lot, especially since this is my first ever Moon Knight fic AND the first time a story of mine blew up this much! This is also great cuz I've been terribly sick, but of course ✨️priorities✨️ I gotta shower our Moon Boys with some much deserved lovin' and it's just so fucking nice to see that it's paying off! \(^o^)/ I was so happy and inspired that I couldn't resist and just HAD to write this second part ASAP!

Dissociative identity disorder is also briefly mentioned here and if I made any mistakes, then I apologize and please kindly correct me. And I feel like the ending may be a bit rushed, but it's the best my tiny brain could think of!

I'll shut up now and I'm very proud and excited to present... PART 2!!! 🥳 And if you'd like to be tagged for any of the next parts, feel free to tell me!

Also Marc does something very asshole-y here oop

TAGS: @autismsupermusicalassassin @ungracefularchimedes @pimosworld @ababynova @sweatyroadcowboyjudge @anapnovo-blog @am-3-thyst @harrys-tittie @zukoisbabee @wiltedwonderland

Part 2: You made me feel I've nothing to hide

After work, instead of heading home, you rushed straight to the nearest boutique to buy yourself a new dress for tomorrow night. The butterflies in your stomach were doing somersaults and you felt as if you could spontaneously burst into song like in those cheesy musicals your former college roommate was so obsessed with.

You knew the employees were all looking at you oddly as you constantly giggled to yourself like some lovesick schoolgirl while you perused through endless racks of the latest fashion. Of course you knew you were acting ridiculous--crazy--but wasn't that what attraction or, dare you say, love did to you?

Besides, you wanted tomorrow to go perfectly. In your eyes, Steven Grant was already perfect--perfectly imperfect or imperfectly perfect, you didn't know or care which was which. You just knew that you liked him. A lot.

And it relieved and pleased you to the moon and back that he actually felt the same! So, who cares what anyone else thought?

You just hoped that after tomorrow, Steven would like you enough to go on another date. And another. Then another...

Maybe you were looking--wishing--too far into the future, but you swore you could almost hear wedding bells chiming in the distance.

God, is this what happens after being a total virgin for twenty-something years? There was absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin, but your insecurity bugged you. What if you weren't at all what Steven expected?

But another part of you, a positive ray of sunshine, clobbered all your doubts. For once, you were going to be brave! You were going to take a leap of faith! You were going to control your life!

Because, in the end...it was worth it. Steven was worth it. Sure, you've experienced various crushes throughout your life, but not like this. Not with Steven. This felt more...serious. Adult.

It felt as if right from the get-go crossing fates with "Steven with a V", your life was about to change--for the better.

Of course you were afraid, and yet you've also never been more sure of something in your entire existence. You've been waiting this long and you're glad you did, and now you were ready to jump head first (and head over heels) into whatever adventure was in store for you--with Steven.

You then squealed excitedly when you spotted the perfect dress, ignoring the judgmental stares other customers shot you as you hurriedly grabbed it like a child in a toy store.

Yes, tomorrow was going to be a dream come true.

♡•••🌙•••♡

You arrived at the restaurant thirty minutes early. It was totally embarrassing how eager you were, but you couldn't help yourself. Though at least with how early you were, you snagged a good table overlooking the restaurant's beautiful back garden strung with fairy lights and you can have some time to calm down before Steven came.

And you looked stunning. Your hair tumbled down in elegant waves, light makeup adoring your face and donning the contact lenses you rarely used. And the dress you bought fit like a glove; it was the shortest dress you now owned, stopping around your thighs. It was baby blue and had an off-the-shoulder style with some frills, and it hugged your figure just right.

You felt very self-conscious. You've always fancied clothes like this, but never actually had the guts to wear them--until now. Did it really suit you? But you couldn't deny that you were happy and, truly, isn't that all that mattered?

"Shall I get you started, ma'am?" A waitress snapped you back to reality and you shook your head.

"Not yet, thank you. I'm still waiting for my...date." The word made you blush furiously, as if sharing a dirty little secret.

The waitress smiled and nodded, leaving you by yourself once more as you sighed wistfully.

You took out your phone from your purse, checking the time. 6:45 p.m. Alright, not too long now. And you double checked that the address you texted Steven was correct, which it is.

You settled back in your chair, peering over the garden and giggling softly.

"I'm right here for you, Steven."

♡•••🌙•••♡

"It's about time, innit?" Steven murmured, glancing over anxiously at his wristwatch for the umpteenth time. It was already eight p.m., a whole hour past your meeting time (not to mention he arrived embarrassingly early). And he was just informed by one of the servers that the restaurant was closing in thirty minutes, to which a pitiful look was also casted to him.

"It's not 'about time', Steven. It's late." Marc gruffly pointed out, Steven seeing Marc's reflection glaring back at him from the shiny silver flower vase set in the middle of the table. "Face it: she's NOT coming."

"Don't you dare say that." Steven's voice was barely above a whisper, but there was a certain edge to it that one would normally not hear from the soft man. "Y/N would never do that. Not her. She's just running late, I'm sure. Traffic and all."

"Oh, please, we both know that even the traffic here doesn't take this long." Marc scoffed. "Stop kidding yourself, Steven. She's. NOT. Coming."

Steven frowned, and with a shaky hand he pulled out his phone. He should've called you since way earlier. It was the logical thing to do, after all. But he was...scared. Scared that, maybe, a terrifying maybe, Marc was right.

He found your number and called you, pressing his phone to his ear as it began to ring. He didn't realize he was holding his breath until you finally picked up, voice groggy.

"Hello..?"

"Y/N..." Steven heaved a relieved exhale. "Hey, uh, I'm at the restaurant. Guess you got stuck in traffic?" He chuckled halfheartedly.

A long, dreadful pause. And then:

"Fucking EXCUSE me?"

Steven's eyes widened, having never heard you swear before. He was just about to ask what was wrong when you continued without skipping a beat.

"Are you playing with me, Steven? Is this what it is?!" You definitely sounded angry, but he didn't miss the faint sniffles coming from you. Shit, were you crying? What the hell was happening?

"How can you be such a...such a DICK?!" You shouted, causing him to jerk his phone a few inches away from his ear. "I fucking waited for you like a total idiot until closing time, you prick! You never showed and you never answered my calls! What the fuck can you POSSIBLY gain from toying with me, huh?!"

"W-Wait, I don't understand!" Steven was nearly hyperventilating, all the colour draining from his face and his mind running a mile a minute. "I-I'm here! Right now! D-Didn't we agree? Friday night, seven p.m.?"

You were dead silent. Steven was going to check if the call was still connected when you beat him to it.

"Steven... It's Sunday."

Steven froze. Then his eyes landed on Marc's reflection, refusing to meet his gaze and it clicked.

"Y/N." Steven said slowly, steadily, despite feeling like crying himself. His eyes were still on Marc, cold and pissed. "Please. I promise I have an explanation. I just... God, can we meet? Y/N, please, I'll come to you."

"No need." Tears threatened to spill from Steven's despondent eyes at your flat response, before you suddenly added: "I'll come to you. You said you were at the restaurant, right? Stay there."

You ended the call, and Steven flared at Marc--no longer caring if other people perceived him as a lunatic fighting with himself.

"Why the fuck would you do that, Marc?"

"Steven..." Marc struggled to find the right words, and the asshole actually had the audacity to look ashamed. "Listen, she's nothing but a distraction--"

"You always think you know better, yeah?" Steven laughed humourlessly. "A distraction? YOU stop kidding yourself, Marc. This is not just your life, but mine. And it's about fucking time you stop being such a selfish bastard!"

"Um, sir?" Steven winced, greeted by a baffled waiter. "We'll be closing soon, so I'm gonna have to ask you to leave if you're not ordering anything."

Humiliated and repeatedly babbling apologies, Steven abruptly sprang out of his chair and dashed outside. He sighed deeply and collapsed listlessly on the ground, finally allowing the tears to fall.

He vaguely heard footsteps approaching until he saw a pair of worn bunny slippers in front of him. His eyes heavily dragged upwards, finding you staring back at him with an unreadable expression and breaths coming out in ragged pants.

"Y/N!" Steven jumped up, surprised you actually came despite the way he--the way Marc--treated you. Your bloodshot eyes and the dried tears on your cheeks only made him feel even shittier, much more fucked up than any beating he suffers on a mission.

Because at least with those, he can be confident that he and the boys would win no matter the challenge. But with you?

He had everything to lose.

Your hair was a total mess; glasses slightly crooked and you were in your pyjamas, a matching set of a purple tank top and shorts with stars and moons. The only thing you had covering you was a purple silk robe, drawing it closer to your chilly body as your eyes narrowed at Steven.

You should be mad at him, and you were. Still, despite everything, you hopped on to the first bus you saw and scrambled the rest of the way here as fast as you could.

But now that you were here...what in Khonshu's name were you going to do? You could scream at him with all the pain you haven't had the pleasure to release like you did on the phone, but you'd just be wasting your breath. Then again, he wasn't lying. He really is here. And it confused you more than anything.

And seeing him like this, looking so...sad. Well, it made you sad. Him miserably clenching onto a heart shaped chocolate box, fat globs of tears cascading down his cheeks as he gawked at you with his pretty doe brown eyes.

You raised your hand, and Steven shut his eyes as he braced himself for the slap he very much deserved--only to be met with your soft palm, wiping away his tears tenderly.

"Explain to me, Steven."

♡•••🌙•••♡

The travel to Steven's apartment was spent in deafening silence, but it brought upon a strange sort of comfort. Unconsciously, you hugged Steven's black jacket that he had offered you earlier even closer to your much smaller frame. It soothed your nerves, being completely enveloped in his smell; fresh soap with a hint of musky cologne.

Once you reached his unit, you couldn't help but smile. It was just so...Steven. It was a bit messy, but a good kind of messy. You didn't really know how to describe it, but it warmed your heart especially when you saw a giant fish tank with only one goldfish.

"Cuppa tea?" Steven asked to which you shook your head, facing him fully.

"No. I'm a 'get over it' kinda girl so whatever your explanation is, I'd rather we just nip it in the bud." You huffed before you halted, biting your lip. "Oh, uh, sorry... Of course, if you wanna have tea, you can. It's your home, after all."

Steven laughed, his first real laugh that entire day. "Are you always this nice to blokes you should be mad at?"

"Only if they are really into Egyptology and have beautiful brown eyes and gorgeous curls." You rolled your eyes though you couldn't suppress your grin before you cleared your throat, getting a hold of your stupid giddy self. "Now, explain."

Steven's demeanour instantly shifted, serious now and quite uneasy. But he nodded and gestured towards the couch. You walked over and plopped down, Steven sitting next to you and keeping a respectful couple inches between the two of you.

He looked down at the ground, carefully considering his words before meeting your gaze solemnly. "Have you ever heard of dissociative identity disorder?" You nodded, previously learning about it in Psychology class and researching about it due to personal interest. "That's...what I have. I'm an alter within a system, and there are two others--Marc Spector and Jake Lockley."

"Am I correct to assume that when you asked me out...it wasn't actually you?"

Steven blinked, rather startled that you were taking this so well. "Yes. Jake was the one who asked you out."

"Was he also the one who didn't show up for the date?"

"No, that would be Marc." He grumbled. "And listen, I'm truly sorry about him. He's a right twit. It may not have been me who didn't show up, but that absolutely doesn't excuse the hurt it caused you. I am so, so sorry, Y/N."

Your brows furrowed, mulling over this new revelation. But...you believed him, especially when it explained all those times you secretly caught Steven muttering incoherently to himself or staring at his reflection and quietly reacting to something. You were curious about more, of course, but Steven didn't have any reason to lie about such a serious matter. And if he was lying, there were plenty of other things he could say. But the way he acted, and just the look in his eyes--he knew the risks of opening up to you, but he did it anyway.

You clasped his hands in yours, sighing. "I know I look calm right now, but trust me, I'm freaking the fuck out." You chuckled, and Steven felt safe enough to join you. "But... I trust you, Steven. And I believe you. Tell me one thing, though. Are you...into me? Like, at all?"

"Of course I am!" He replied in a flash, making you both pause before erupting into easy laughter. "Why would you even have to ask that, love?"

"It's just... Well, if Jake was the one who asked me out, it made me wonder if you really did like me." You mumbled, looking away.

Steven gently grasped your chin, tipping your face back towards him. "I've liked you since the day we met, Y/N. In your pink skirt and the cute little pigtails you had." He smiled, eyes so amorous and gleaming with sincerity. "Truth is, I've wanted to ask you out since forever. I'm just not as...forward as Jake is."

"And that's fine. But hey, we gotta thank him 'cause Lord knows I'd just spiral into a panic attack if I ever made the first move." You chuckled. But it gradually died down as Steven continued to stare at you, and you never thought you would ever have someone look at you the way Steven did; as if you were precious treasure hidden within a sacred tomb.

Slowly, ever so slowly, your body started moving of its own accord. You were leaning closer, closer, closer--a mere breath away from his lips before he piped up.

"I'm also Khonshu's Avatar!"

"Say what?"

"Um, well, you see--" He stammered, mentally slapping himself.

'Don't say anything, Steven.' Marc warned, and it took all of Marc's willpower not to seize control and actually slap Steven.

But it was too late now. Steven already said too much, but he wanted to be honest with you. Utterly so. And since you wanted to nip this in the bud, now was the best time more than anything.

"Erm... You've seen the news, yeah?" He didn't grant you the chance to respond as he rambled. "Masked vigilantes... Moon Knight and Mr. Knight? They're actually...Marc and I."

"Steven, this is--"

"I'll show you, Y/N. I'll summon the suit."

"Summon the soup? What is happening--"

Steven stood up, and a split second later there was a whirl of white. And sure enough, there was none other than one half of the mysterious heroes you've been seeing a lot on the news recently; his glowing white eyes locked with yours, crisp ivory suit and batons clutched tightly in his hands.

"Look, I know this is a lot to take in--"

"Handsome..." You blurted out before you can restrain yourself.

"Huh?" Steven blushed underneath the mask, and you were the same as your cheeks tinted crimson. Then you rose from the couch, closing the gap between you two and removing his mask.

His curls stuck every which way and his eyes were as wide as the full moon, making you giggle. "You're so handsome, Steven. And yeah, this is a fucking lot to take in. To be honest, a part of me is still wondering if this is all just a dream." You reached up, caressing the side of his face sweetly and smiling. "But...thank you. Thank you for being honest with me."

His batons dropped to the floor, trembling hands hesitantly settling on your hips. You noticed his Adam's apple bob as he looked down at you, tears once again glistening in his eyes. Happiness, relief, adoration--how can so many exhilarating emotions crash over him all at once?

"Can I be more honest?" He whispered, resting his forehead against yours as he gazed deeply into your eyes. "I...want you to stay with me."

Your cheeks hurt from how impossibly wide your smile has stretched, wrapping your arms around his neck and nuzzling his nose with yours.

"I'm staying whether you like it or not, Steven with a V."

[brain-works]

um he literally said you have to have respect for trump… in many ways even…

ooh I love this one! and to be clear, whatever I say here, this is no hate to you anon, assuming you're saying this in good faith. and also thank you for actually answering my last post with an ask, I love a good excuse to write an essay.

ALSO before I start: if anyone dares to come into my replies saying that I'm biased - yes I am. I've never denied that. if you haven't picked up on that by now I really don't know what you're doing on my blog. that being said, I also try to look at full contexts to these situations, especially since I watched this specific press conference live.

ALSO ALSO I AM IN NO WAY A TRUMP FAN. LET ME MAKE THAT CLEAR. I AM NOT DEFENDING TRUMP OR ANY OF HIS ACTIONS, PAST OR PRESENT. now, to my argument:

the first thing I need to make very clear is the environment in which he was asked this question. it might seem inconsequential that it was a press conference, but it's actually a very important context. for one, the drivers are not allowed to simply not answer a question. that's not an option that's available to them (despite some people thinking that's the case). they must answer any questions posed by the press, whether they like it or not. they're allowed to dodge questions, sure, but the only guaranteed way to get a journalist off your back is to just give them an answer they can publish. we've seen this time and time again with different drivers. they're also not allowed to make outwardly political statements without being given a hefty fine by the FIA. saying, for example, that you don't like a former president of a country that F1 wants to continue racing in is an easy way to have this fine (and potentially worse) levied against you.

secondly, with any interview, there is a massive difference between the words presented vs. how they were said. what does this mean? well, to put it simply, sometimes intent does not come across the same in text vs. in speaking. this happens a lot with Lando's interviews, where he says something jokingly or in an unserious tone, but when his words are written down, they seem much more malicious than they actually were. I'd go hunt down examples, but I want to stay on topic.

now, exactly what he said was:

and here’s a link to the video of the interview

I'm not going to say that he didn't say, in some manner, that you have to have a lot of respect for trump. however, the way in which he said it is what matters to me.

for one, spelling out that someone, regardless of who they are, is a former president of a country and should be respected for that accomplishment is a textbook diplomatic answer. again, this is regardless of who they are. I guarantee you he would've said the same thing about any other political figure in any other context, because this is a safe answer. he's not definitively praising anyone, and he's not bringing anyone down. this is not the response of someone who is a big fan of trump. this is the generic, PR-guided response of someone who can't say anything negative, but doesn't want to say anything too outwardly positive.

notice, for example, how he says that trump said that he was Lando's lucky charm. it would've been easy for him to state that he thought that trump was his lucky charm, but he did not. he could've even said that he hopes that trump comes to future races. again, he did not. this is an important distinction, if a small one. anyways, his body language and facial expressions also make his stance clear. he's not happy to be asked this question, he clearly does not want to answer it. in fact, as soon as he starts answering, you can see him slip into that PR mode as his face drops and he starts giving his response. this is not how someone answers a question about someone they like! and this response, once again, is very generic. he literally only mentions trump by name once throughout his actual response, and without that you could assume he was talking about literally anyone else.

for two, idk about you, but when I'm forced to publicly interact with people I don't like, regardless of the context, I don't usually insult them to their face, because that makes me look bad. and I don't usually have half the amount of cameras on me that Lando does. generally speaking, it's also not a good idea to get on the bad side of someone with as much political power as trump. we all know who he is, and we know that the people that support him can resort to dangerous actions when someone says anything remotely negative about him. so, if remaining neutral is the most negative you can be, then that's the way to go. he had no way to avoid trump - he was literally brought directly to him to shake hands - and was asked a question directly connected to trump.

saying that you have to have respect for someone in a lot of ways is not an inherently positive statement. in fact, something I say a lot of the time when I don't like a celebrity is that I respect their accomplishments, but I don't like their personality. I'm not saying this justifies Lando's response, but I am saying that if you were put in a similar situation, where you're asked a question that demands you speak positively about someone regardless of what you think about them personally (especially if your opinion is negative), you'd have a harder time answering than you think you would.

and finally, Lando is not a US citizen. he does not know the political turmoil happening in this country personally, and I wouldn't be surprised if he only knew the bare minimum of why trump is a bad person, rather than the full itemized list that Americans are very familiar with. at the end of the day, even if he was a trump fan (he's not), he does not vote in the US, nor does he have any sway over actual US voters. we all know the rhetoric of people who like trump, and nothing Lando said personally sets off any alarm bells. I'll admit that I don't love the way he phrased it, but if I could go on another whole tangent about how I hate the way that Lando's (sometimes awkward) phrasing gets misrepresented in text vs. in speech.

bonus round: if you wanted to get upset at drivers interacting with controversial figures, might I direct you to the time that Lewis Hamilton (allegedly) sprayed putin with champagne. obviously this article is tabloid-esque, but you get what I'm saying. this isn't a dig at Lewis, btw, it's just my way of pointing out that it's not new for drivers to be faced with impossible situations regarding political figures.

tl;dr if Lando wanted to say something outwardly positive about trump, he would've had the space to, but he purposefully kept it vague and generic, and that means something. these drivers cannot speak as freely as we often (mistakenly) think they can, and it's important to understand the full context of a situation rather than assume bad intentions.

[lovezbrownies]

Hello??? I just found your blog and omfg your writing is DELECTABLE 💖 I especially love Red ❤️‍🔥 you don’t have to but if you don’t mind could you share some more info about him? Like maybe some head cannons, please?? It’s up to you though!! Love your work!!!! Have a nice day/night, cheers!

Thank you!!! leajdsjhj, super glad you enjoyed Red, honestly I loved writing down his story :3 I'll probably add more to his character later on! keep in mind he isn't as twisted in this as he was in his intro post but i will write something like sometime in the future.

Yandere!Boss headcanons.

Masterlist

Red Ludenhart x Reader

Warnings: Obsessive behaviour, murder, torture, suggestive at the very end, but cute overall :3

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

~Red is very romantic. You could go out for a coffee run and somehow come back to your apartment covered in roses, balloons, 15 different gifts, and a very horny Red. You really won’t see the end of it! He’s obsessed with you and he will let you and the entire world know. With Red’s income this man can easily rent out an entire restaurant just to have a nice private extravagant dinner with his loved one. Although he is a tad bit crazy if he finds out you’re uncomfortable with him doing that he would bend over backwards just to find out what your preferences are. Red wants you to love him as much as he loves you, so why would he ever try to make you uncomfortable? You make his life better so he’ll make yours perfect.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

~Red is also quite affectionate, an arm always around you, his face nuzzled somewhere on your body, kissing at any spot of skin he can find. He especially loves it when you just randomly go on his lap. Red loves it when you’re on his lap, he loves to completely wrap himself around you, cocooning his little butterfly. If he, for some reason, can’t touch you, rest assured he will grab at your shirt instead, his love and need for affection knows no bounds, really! If Red ever catches you wearing jeans oh lord you’d have to physically pull him away from you because he will put his hands on the back pockets of your jeans. Or he would grab your hand and put it in his own back pockets, he just finds the whole act so cute!

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

~Red refuses to go to work if you’re not there. An investor wants to speak to him? Tell them to wait. There’s a storage issue? He’ll deal with it when you two get there. This man would not work without you there even if the Queen told him to. People have come to learn his schedule is your schedule, if they see you’re not there they won’t bother trying to find him. Even when he is there, he will most definitely neglect a lot of his duties in favor of you, pulling you away for an impromptu makeout session, just staring at you like a lovesick puppy; fair warning he will get upset if anyone dares to interrupt his precious time with you.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

~You should be careful if you do go out with him  however, because if Red catches anyone trying to make a move on you he goes absolutely ballistic. While he knows you’re smart enough not to cheat on him, others aren’t. Red cannot handle the fact that other people can perceive how attractive you are, and what’s worse is when they act on their feelings. Red has a tactic for these parasites. Act like it’s okay, get to know the freak, then pay good money to have them kidnapped and tortured for a very long time. He even pays extra for a recording of it! Of course Red has all these recordings well hidden from you and checks you’re nowhere nearby before watching them.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

~Red values family. While he understands if you have a complicated relationship with your family he hopes you can still get along with his. Red’s family is incredibly important to him, some parts of his childhood weren’t the best due to his biological parents, he was thankfully adopted by his new dad, Grim Ludenhart, and given the best childhood possible. Red would let you choose when to meet all of his family, but meeting his biological younger sibling is something you will not be able to skip on. Red values Siolis’ opinion quite a bit– so if they end up not liking you it will hurt him. While it won’t deter him from pursuing a relationship with you, this drift between the two most important people of his life will cause him a great deal of pain. But thankfully Red’s father, Siolis, and the rest of the family did end up approving of your relationship, welcoming you in with open arms.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

~Speaking of families, Red is amazing with children. But does it mean he wants any? No, not necessarily. If you do end up asking him for kids he will gladly provide two, preferably adopting. No more, no less. Red would be a phenomenal father, loving his kids equally and ensuring that anything they want they get. He will keep his job hidden from them up until they are teenagers, by then Red isn’t that worried of the influence his job might have on his kids. Red will buy a big enough house with a huge backyard right before you have kids. This man refuses to skimp out on them, just like his father.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

~Oh boy how excited Red gets in the bedroom. This man is NOT vanilla at all, introducing all types of freaky shit into the bedroom, with your consent of course. Red adores the act. And not in a kinky way at all, he loves how close you two become when you do the deed, how intertwined you are, how you desperately grab at him, how you look just as you’re about to let go, how even after multiple rounds you somehow manage to turn him on once again, causing him to become rock solid before he can even pull out fully. Also want to mention Red definitely has some form of food or mouth kink. This man loves shotgun kisses, the way you cough it up causes his dick to dig straight into your back. He loves to do this with any substance really, if it went from his mouth to yours, or better yet your mouth to his expect a complete mess in his pants.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

~Point is, this man is so loving. While also kind freaky :3.

Lil quick drawing I made of him :3

[eddo-tensei]

I spent years trying to stop a nightmare from manifesting and in the end, I failed. (VENT)

This post contains a lot of emotional vomit, so apologies if this comes off an intense.

If you're wondering why I've been inactive on this blog and this fic for so long, it's because I've made the mistake of getting myself involved in politics. For those who are new, I am someone who's always been concerned over people's right to free expression, especially online. Doesn't matter if it's being threatened by Republicans or Democrats. I was doing all that I could to try and stop it. Unfortunately, it felt impossible to stop the government at large from slowly but surely stripping away these rights. The latest chance I had to try and protect these rights was through this year's election.

Simply put, I couldn't trust the GOP to uphold these rights no matter what the "free speech warriors" said. More likely, they would censor it if they felt like it. The only way I could see it is to try and get the Democratic candidate elected. It felt like we had a chance especially when the old one dropped out for a relatively younger candidate. We thought we were onto something here, but we weren't.

Not only did we lose, but we lost badly either because people got too confident like in 2016 or there were too many people who felt more like spiting us than making things better for everyone. No amount of reassurance, whether it came from my friends or my family, was able to calm me down about what could happen in the future. Not only did I have to deal with terminally online assclowns dehumanizing and mocking people like me for the next four years, but we could lose so many of the rights that a lot of us, even these terminally online folks, take for granted.

There are people out there who would rather allow tyrants to rule over them than to get along with people they don't agree with and that's incredibly depressing to me. Honestly, the only thing I could think of is how much people will end up regretting their decision as the years go on. I assumed that after it became clear that these people would try to cheat or even unleash a riot onto government grounds, nobody would be willing to let them have power again. I suppose I was wrong to believe in that.

Honestly, it's hard to find any hope in this. That said, I'm gonna try and find it anyways. It feels like all anyone could do at this point is give up, but I've learned that it's never our only option. We have to do what we can to try and make things better even if it seems impossible. Maybe down the line, some of these people will grow to regret their decisions and join us in our cause, but I'm not gonna hold my breath over it. All I know right now is that this is just utterly demoralizing and I'm not looking forward to what may happen in the future. People on the left mocking us for not being committed enough to their desires and people on the right mocking us for daring not to think like they do. I know it's ridiculous to invoke "Bothsidesbad", but I've never felt this way more than I have now.

Still, there's still tomorrow and tomorrow will be another day to go forward. We've been through four years of this before, eight if you want to be technical about it. We can hopefully get through four more.

[peonycats]

I want to add my two cents about my experiences with Myrddin, as well as clear up some things about the “Wasian South Korea” incident from weeks ago.

FIRST: How self-centered and entitled is it for someone to get upset that an apology not directed for you and never meant for you is not accepted by a group of people that does not include you.

We refused to accept OP's first apology because, among other reasons:

1) Our previous, repeated attempts to reach out to the OP without escalating the conflict went ignored (leading to one of us getting blocked) until the bigger blogs got involved, making it seem less genuine.

2) That the apology still called a fanfiction that referred to South Korea as "yellow" and is a thinly veiled retelling of the orientalist and racist story "Madame Butterfly" as "well explored."

How *dare* you reduce this, all of this, to fandom puritanism, to "dogpiling," to "abusers" using "manipulation tactics."

How did you ever think it was appropriate for you, a white American, to decide whether or not a group of ESEAns should forgive someone for making content that perpetuates harmful stereotypes and ideologies about *us,* not you. I’m not even mentioning your ghastly behavior defending a TERF and islamophobe and calling anybody who dared to speak up a Russian imperialist apologist.

SECOND: The OP behind the post in question has deactivated her account, something that none of us asked for, but she has acknowledged that she was ignorantly repeating harmful and racist fandom material without doing more background, research, which is something we appreciate. I wish her well, and that she won't repeat her mistakes in the future; though I believe nobody owes anybody forgiveness, should OP return to the fandom in the future, I hope all of you give her the benefit of the doubt.

THIRD: I want to ask the Hetalia fandom this. Not all of the fandom, but you know who you are. How did you see:

1) A white American who got mad that an apology meant for ESEA was not accepted by them and tried to police them for reacting "wrong" to racism (intentional or not) directed at them, before calling them trolls, fandom puritans, and abusers; who openly admitted to trying to sidetrack the ESEAns from the original issue by being "incredibly insufferable and mean-spirited," in her own words.

2) A non-Jew who accused a Jewish person of faking it and being a false-flag operation simply for asking them not to throw around the term "Nazi."

3) A non-Jew who accused another, completely unrelated Jewish person of using abuser tactics and called her a "cunt" for trying to correct their recounting of the Holocaust narrative, and expressed discomfort with Myrddin, a non-Jew, joking about getting reparations from Germany.

4) A white American asking "What the hell does being south of the equator do to people's brains" (excepting only Australia from this trend) and saying that they could tell that it was the LatAm anon based off their grammar and spelling.

And think this was all fine? Think it was okay to interact with them and show your support for them? Because she made cute America and England and FACE content?

I believe OP when she says she wasn't really aware of Myrddin-wylt, that she didn't ask for Myrddin to jump in and defend her, and that she disagrees with many of Myrddin's takes and doesn't want to be associated with her. But still, she admits that she didn't see the issues with many of Myrddin's takes until they were brought to light by someone actually affected by her bigotry and malice. This is not a problem to unique to her.

I, alongside my Chinese friends, already had my issues with Myrddin, but had basically given up on any of this resulting in any consequences because sinophobia is so omnipresent in fandom spaces and not taken seriously. However, I felt heartened when I found out that I wasn't alone, that I wasn't crazy for thinking that there was something up, that there were so many people who had been mistreated by Myrddin and been the targets of her hateful rhetoric.

This is how the English fandom works- it operates on a Western, white-centric default, and marginalized groups who fall outside of that are isolated and already geared to dismiss their own concerns for fear of "stirring the pot," of having a largely white mainstream take control of the narrative and call us "trolls" who should shut up and accept an apology already, reduce our concerns to "manipulation tactics," "bad faith," "dog-piling."

What's happened has already happened, even if that doesn't make the damage any less real or Myrddin's behavior any less appalling. What I want from the fandom is reflect on how we let it get this bad, how this went unchecked for so long, and how all of you will act knowing all of this.

please avoid myrddin-wylt/comradevo

myrddin-wylt/comradevo has been repeatedly racist, antisemitic, and sinophobic. When challenged by people from the affected communities regarding their harmful rhetoric, they have repeatedly dismissed these people as 1) poor representations of the community and/or 2) manipulative trolls/false flag operations before attempting to reframe the narrative on their blog to their control. Their overconfidence in their own ability to educate others on subjects with which they have no firsthand experience has caused them to make inappropriate and ignorant comments about the politics of other countries, to the point of unintentionally championing authoritarian regimes.

We would like to draw attention to this behaviour to warn other Hetalia fans so that they can be avoided, and ask everyone to reflect on why such a pattern of racist, antisemitic behaviour has been tolerated, unprobed and unnoticed for such a long time in the fandom. While it is true that everyone should curate their own fandom experiences, such a principle only holds as long as people do not act in ways that replicate real life oppression. Minorities do not have to curate away people who are replicating hurt/abuse against them in fandom spaces, and have every right to confront people who do so. Additionally, given that myrddin has made all of these posts publicly, we are holding them accountable in public, and not in private.

Racism

response to “Wasian South Korea” apology In December 2022, a blogger, who will be unnamed here as it is irrelevant to the purpose of the document, received an ask about a fanfiction which made the modern day nation of South Korea the offspring of North Korea and the United States. The blogger in question received the ask positively and came up with her own list of headcanons expanding upon this idea.It wasn’t until around May that some of the document writers came across this post and found it, alongside some of the ideas espoused in the post and the original fanfiction, to be extremely problematic. One of the writers of the document, luyous, reached out to the blogger via a series of private asks, proof of which can be found here, though the OP argues that they never received the asks. These went unanswered until June 14, when another one of the doc writers, kimetsunozushi69, directly reblogged the post with her thoughts and calling the headcanons problematic, which can be found here. The blogger’s first response was to block kimetsunozushi69; this fact is disputed by the blogger and Myrddin, but the doc writers had sufficient evidence to suspect that kimetsunozushi69 was blocked. Because of this suspicion, peonycats, a notably bigger blog than kimetsunozushi69, reblogged their reblog with additional commentary. It was only after this point that the original blogger apologised and took down the post in question.

Because of all of these reasons, and the general impression that the post was only taken down and an apology was given because a bigger blog got involved, the blogger’s apology was not accepted by the relevant parties, who were all ESEA. It was then that comradevo, otherwise known as Myrddin-Wylt, jumped in to start defending the blogger. Testimony from Peonycats: “Frankly, in this situation, it shouldn’t matter what reasons we had to not accept (blogger)‘s apology. Myrddin-wylt, who is White American, is the last person who gets to have any say on whether or not ESEA individuals should accept an apology for perpetuating false narratives and bigotry about them.” Frustrated by Myrddin’s dismissal of ESEA concerns, irithnova, a Southeast Asian,vented on her blog about Myrddin’s dismissiveness and lack of understanding for all the publicly available reasons why not all parties affected accepted the OP’s apology. An exchange followed in which Myrddin used anti-SEAsian stereotypes of poverty, underdevelopment, and backwardness/savagery/primitiveness against irithnova, attacking irithnova’s literacy level and reading comprehension. Tumblr: Link

It can be seen that Myrddin used aggressive rhetoric against both irithnova and kimetsunozushi69/thepianistblogsbasedonhumanities, who are both POC, but when serica-e, a white person, defended them and made many of their points, they were notably more civil to him. When questioned on this, Myrddin argued that serica-e “directly and plainly and sincerely explained” the issue “without self-justification”, implicitly contrasting him against kimetsunozushi69/ thepianistblogsbasedonhumanities and irithnova.

Serica-e is someone whose country was not affected by American imperialist violence, or the racism and orientalism the original headcanons perpetuated against ESEA; expecting irithnova and kimetsunozueshi69 to speak with the same measured tone as serica-e when speaking with an aggressive white person berating them for not accepting an apology directed towards ESEA is little more than tone-policing. By this point, the parties involved in this were extremely frustrated at how Myrddin was involving themselves in a conflict to defend (however unintentional) racism and imperialism, and when contacted by other victims of Myrddin’s racism, collaborated to create this document.

The writers of this document would like to acknowledge though the use of “lolcow” can be seen as offensive due to its origins on 4chan and derogatory meaning, they would also like to make the following points: 

The word was used by an ESL speaker who had only heard it to mean an individual who is “milked for laughs,” and was not aware of its bodyshaming connotations, thus it was never intended to insult the blogger’s appearance.

Using a problematic term once does not make POC’s anger at someone misrepresenting them through pernicious false narratives any less valid, nor does it make it then okay to lob racist and bigoted abuse at them for refusing to accept an apology for the harm caused.

Myrddin’s focus on tone-policing is reflected in how, while making a few token acknowledgements that OP’s post was wrong and that their apology was not unwarranted, they spend the majority of their posts and activity policing how POC involved reacted to said apology and attacking them viciously for their responses. They reframed POC expressing their anger and hurt at an inadequate apology that did not address their concerns as ‘trolls sensing “blood in the water,”’ portraying the victims as aggressors.

Testimony from irithnova: “This demonstrates how racially privileged people are so quick to turn upon minorities when they express their anger and hurt aggressively, rather than focusing on why they’re angry.”

Following these exchanges, Myrddin took it upon themself to make some posts about the incident on their blog. Here, they described multiple people coming to kimetsunozushi69’s side against the blogger as a “Zerg rush” and implied their actions were “trolling.” Myrddin also claimed that even if “(they) agree with your argument” but continues to fight, their “goal is now to just piss you off because (they) personally don’t like you.” They are, again, much more concerned about the responses of people who have been hurt by the OP’s post and initial suspected lack of response, instead of the fact that OP had made a racist, imperialist post. 

Once again, as someone not ESEA or ever affected by American Imperialism, Myrddin doesn’t have any right to decide how POC should react to their oppression and bigotry directed towards them. Myrddin is openly admitting to trying to punish and make the lives of POC harder because they don’t like how they went about it and didn’t forgive the original blogger for justified reasons.

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In the comments of the first link, Myrddin admits to behaving “mean-spirited” and acting as a “troll” and “asshole” themself, an admission of engaging in the discussion in bad faith.

Additionally, they also dismiss (and frankly whitewash) this group of POC as “Puritan Evangelicals” and refer to their actions as “dog-piling” and “manipulation tactics.” 

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Afterwards, myrddin began making posts demonstrating interest in Korean-US relations, as well as reblogging posts from a Korean Uzbek blogger criticising OP’s post and praising it. This is part of a well-established pattern, where Myrddin will attack people who disagree with them on an issue directly related to their communities, then afterwards, demonstrated effort to learn about said issue to signal how ‘nuanced and open’ they are and how they are demonstrating the right way to teach and talk about a situation… an insincere, performative effort, after silencing the people who have to live that situation and its consequences, dismissing victims and members as ‘bad representatives of their communities who reacted inappropriately.’

By doing this, they control the narrative of marginalised peoples’ histories, rather than allowing marginalised people to speak for themselves.

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Testimony from tianshiisdead: “To POC, arguing about racism and commenting on the spreading of harmful stereotypes and rhetoric, it’s because it’s the same rhetoric that plagues us irl and makes society dangerous for us, because it’s bigoted and cruel and makes it difficult to exist in online spaces when it follows us here too. But for many white people it’s literally just a way to prove intellectual superiority. It’s just ‘matching wits’ or 'power play’ or 'winning drama’, our original concerns are lost, if we don’t immediately forgive and forget then we’re unfair and whiny, if we argue with them then we’re pushing too far, if we have slightly less than pleasing language then we’re a mob. For us this is a serious issue based on how behaviour like this normalises racism and creates an atmosphere we’re we are afraid to speak up if things are deeply offensive for fear of being accused of being whiny/pushy/'accusing people of racism’ (which is often framed as being worse than racism), for them it’s laughing at us from afar as they treat us like lab rats to play with. Like somehow name calling is worse than making insanely racist posts that no one calls out because the general fandom is not in the blast range and therefore not affected, and the ones who are affected can’t speak up without being accused of causing drama? ‘I never insulted someone’s body/appearance so there’s that’ is craaazy when you spent an evening mockingly talking down to and insulting the English/intellect abilities of a Southeast Asian, and then turning around and being polite to a white person making the same point backing them up. Also, the tone policing is crazy haha especially considering the tone wrt criticising the original post has always been polite from the beginning, when it was brought up privately, and the only thing ‘under fire’ is the lying and shifting of blame.”

defence of other creator’s islamophobia and transphobia

After another creator was revealed to have transphobic and Islamophobic sentiments (who will be referred to as Ukrainian creator for this section, for reasons later elaborated), Myrddin once again took to framing POC’s rightful public concern as “shit stirring fan behavior” and “harassment and smear campaigns” by fandom puritans. (Link1) (Link2) (Link3) 

Testimony from Peonycats: “I’m not going to be educated by someone who has repeatedly harassed minorities and marginalised groups on ‘what does and does not help marginalised groups.’”

In a now deleted post, Myrddin attempted to completely retell what happened with the unspecified creator, who happens to be Ukrainian, talking about how their “first language isn’t English” and “hasn’t had the privilege to learn the years of social activism.” 

It should be noted that the writers of this document are pro-Ukraine and condemn Russia’s illegal invasion and wholesale slaughter of Ukrainian civilians. However, this is part of a much larger pattern of Myrddin disregarding voices from minority communities in favour of Ukrainian voices/the “Ukraine cause.” Myrddin has repeatedly utilised the Ukraine conflict in topics where it is completely irrelevant (to be elaborated upon later in this post). The creator’s background as a war refugee fleeing invasion is irrelevant to their repeated statements of sinophobia, islamophobia, transphobia, none of which they have disavowed at the writing of this document. When members of communities who are affected by such sentiments dare to speak up against a voice who happens to be Ukrainian, Myrddin puts their voices under much harsher scrutiny, while the Ukrainian voice expressing such prejudices is given tremendous benefit of the doubt, such as English not being their first language, not understanding social justice rhetoric, etc.

The writers of this document were also some of the members to call out the Ukrainian creator, and would like to make it clear that at no point did they encourage the harassment or sending of violent/similar threats towards the Ukrainian creator in question, even going so far to explicitly warn against doing so multiple times.

When the unspecified creator involved was called out for sinophobia, they promptly accused one of the writers of being a Chinese nationalist, and assumed that said writer would be enraged by a Uyghur OC (which they then drew) due to said nationalism, despite them never having expressed pro-CCP sentiments. After Myrddin reblogged their art of Uyghur, an anon sent Myrddin an ask mentioning the creator’s Islamophobia and transphobia. Myrddin reacted harshly to this ask, assuming that the anon was accusing the Ukrainian creator in bad faith, being a “troll” and “toxic pissant”.

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Myrddin would then proceed to make posts about the Uyghur people and demonstrate an interest in creating and playing a Uyghur OC in a game.

Becoming publicly interested in the Uyghurs because of a spite OC against someone assumed to be a Chinese nationalist because they are Chinese endorses the creator’s sinophobic behaviour. It is also offensive to the Uyghurs and their genocide and incredibly performative to only speak up for them when you have issues with someone you think would be offended by any defense of or interest in them. 

Argentina

Aside from their racism against East and Southeast Asians, Myrddin has also made inappropriate and racist comments against Argentinians, as well as drawing false equivalence between the United Kingdom and Argentina as colonial states. Their behaviour of hijacking the conversation after a confrontation on the topic will also be repeated here. 

The writers of the document do not intend to weigh in on the Falklands territorial dispute between Argentina and Britain. Our focus is on the racism that Myrddin exhibited when Argentinians disagreed with their views, and racism against the other side is always a disproportionate and inappropriate response in political debates. 

In May 2023, Myrddin received an anonymous ask complaining about a creator who implied the Falklands was part of Argentina, and made a few posts on the topic siding with the UK on the Falklands territorial dispute. 

In response to an ask they got challenging them on the Falklands, Myrddin made a post claiming that everyone living south of the equator had “brainrot” and stated that the only country south of the equator that wasn’t “insane” was Australia. Considering the southern hemisphere is primarily dominated by people of colour and non-western countries, and that the only exception that Myrddin, a white American, makes for this assertion is Australia, a primarily white, Western country, this statement comes off as intensely racist and denigrating of the mental faculties of POC and non-Western individuals.

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An anonymous individual sent in an ask to Myrddin calling out this language. Myrddin again, puts them down, and even goes on to state that they knew this anonymous ask came from, presumably, the same person who challenged them on the Falklands (referred to as the “Latam Anon”) because of their poor and inaccurate grammar. Once again, Myrddin is otherizing ESL speakers, and it should not be difficult to see how singling out the anonymous individuals that use poor grammar and assuming from that grammar that they are 1) the same person 2) that the second anonymous person is from Latin America, is racist and bigoted, especially when it’s coming from a White Texan. Here, Myrddin denigrates the intelligence of non-Western individuals based off English proficiency, under the guise of “putting down Argentina nationalists.”

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An Argentine individual, who wishes to remain anonymous, received an ask about Myrddin’s denigration of Southern Hemisphere countries, and called out Myrddin’s statement for being (intentionally or not) racist and bigoted. Myrddin responds to this by arguing that not all non-Western countries were below the Southern Hemisphere, therefore making their statement somehow acceptable. Again - when Myrddin states explicitly that there’s “one (1) country south of the equator that isn’t insane”, and that country is Australia, one of the only white dominated states in the Southern Hemisphere, it comes off, at best, as insensitive and ignorant of how the vast majority of countries in the Southern Hemisphere are non-Western, and racism at worst.

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Furthermore, Myrddin goes on to equivocate Argentina, a former Spanish colony, with Great Britain, which remains a globe-spanning imperial power to this day. Argentina may be a white dominated society, but it is still not considered part of the West and has also been affected by Western intervention and invasion, thus it is facetious to compare it to the UK in terms of damage. This is not meant to put down the historical and continuing harm Argentina continues to perpetuate against its indigenous and African population, but there’s a drastic difference in scale between these two countries (Britain having repressed colonial populations and sown the conditions for future ethnic conflict and oppression worldwide in multiple countries today), and trying to argue the colonial, imperialist legacies of these two countries are anywhere close to each other is in bad faith and patently false.

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Following this exchange, Myrddin began learning about the brutalisation of indigenous and Afro-Argentines, presenting themselves as an authority on some parts of the topic by answering questions about it and compiling several reading lists on the treatment of Argentine minorities. This was done via the educational, almost condescending tone they speak with to the anonymous individual who sent them an ask on Argentina, them Myrddin noting how their reading list got the seal of approval from an Argentinean (virtue signalling again), and how they assume they have enough authority to vet and assess which readings on the genocide of Afro-Argentines and Indigenous people are accurate enough to form a reading list on.

[Screenshots of the reading lists have been truncated for brevity].

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Again, we do not intend to weigh in on the Falklands territorial dispute. However, regardless of opinion on the Falklands Islands, it doesn’t justify the act of ridiculing (at least) an entire nation as “brain-rotted” and dismissing all Argentine voices disagreeing with you, before immediately presenting yourself as the unbiased expert on all things Argentina and historical.

Testimony from a LatAm mutual: it NEEDS to be acknowledged that Argentina’s history is bloody, and that colorism is a major problem in virtually all LatAm countries, just as it is in the US. But the way Myrddin was so eager to use Argentina’s history as an opportunity to insult the entire Global South, somehow giving Australia a free pass, then declaring themselves some kind of spokesperson on LatAm history, is a perfect example of White Leftism at its worst. Myrddin even flaunted the fact that they could dig up Spanish-language sources as if this is some great feat in the age of the internet. It is all too often that White USAmericans seem very eager to be vitriolic towards White LatAm folks in a way that they are not vitriolic towards their White US peers. It reeks of unexamined bias against Spanish-speaking communities, and against the Global South as a whole. This is absolutely not about Argentina being somehow immune to crit, it is about the double standard that Myrddin has shown. They’ve been repeatedly far more permissive regarding missteps from folks who are not from the Global South (see the excuses made for the racism and islamophobia from an Eastern European user) than they have been of communities that don’t align with their pet cause.

Testimony from Kimetsunozushi69: As someone born and raised in Spain who interacted and talk daily share with Hispanic speakers from Spain and Latin America, we tend to agree that we are fairly worried when people tend to ignore and brush off the clear history of violence and discrimination that hispanos suffer, it is especially hard because I do agree that, as someone who suffered racism in Spain as a EAsian, there is no denying that many Hispanic speaking countries have a big problem with racism and colourism, but to use our oppression, the oppression of POCs by White Latinos and Spaniards, as a way to look down on the later and also to look down on Spanish speaking countries is problematic, especially because Myrddin is from the US, and the US is infamous for its anti-hispanic policies in society and law, many latinos feel uncomfortable with the US talking down about the conditions of their countries because the US has massive power and influence over Latin America, and also the clear racialisation of the US society against white hispanics and spaniards compared to white people with germanic and british ancestry.

Antisemitism

Myrddin has also been antisemitic. In response to a Jewish person’s criticism of said antisemitism, they have employed antisemitic canards, accusing them of being a 4chan false flag antisemitic operation. 

In February 2022, a Jewish individual, who will be referred to as “anonymous Jewish Individual” for the rest of the document, expressed discomfort with Myrddin calling Scholz a “Nazi,” as it’s throwing around a very loaded term and reducing its weight, thus contributing to Jews speaking about their oppression not being taken seriously.

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Myrddin reacted aggressively to this correction, and immediately accused the anonymous Jewish individual of having internalised anti-semitism for simply criticising how they used the term Nazi, as well as not caring about Eastern European Jews, despite the fact that the anonymous Jewish individual is a Russo-German Jew. As a non Jew, Myrddin has no right to be policing how a Jew feels about how non-Jews use the term “Nazi.”

Myrddin would go on to theorise that this anonymous Jewish individual was in fact, faking being Jewish and was only trying to stir up trouble (for being uncomfortable with the way a non-Jewish person is throwing around the term ‘Nazi’), pointing to their spelling of antisemitism versus anti-semitism.

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Additionally, they would go on to analyse the original ask, calling it “top-tier manipulation,” and speculate that they are a “Kremlin contractor.” As we have established, this is part of a much larger pattern of Myrddin dismissing the complaints of minorities who don’t agree with them as simply “manipulation.”

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The following are testimony from the anonymous Jewish individual and a Jewish mutual of the writers.

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Testimony from another Jewish mutual: “I also had a bad experience with Myrddin’s antisemitism - I had originally followed them because their takes appeared nuanced at first glance but if I had known this was their response to a Jewish anon, I never would have engaged. I had gently informed Myrddin that their wording was a common unintentional form of soft Holocaust denial, and I kept it in the comments section of their post because I did not want it to be a public dragging, just a heads-up. Myrddin screencapped me to mock me, accused me of manipulating them and playing the victim, linked me the wikipedia article for “reductio ad Hitlerum” and called me a cunt.

As for these accusations of the above anon faking being Jewish: the hyphen debate is not the shibboleth myrddin thinks it is. Plenty of Jews still use the hyphen, it’s largely regional and generational. I don’t use the hyphen myself, but it’s nowhere near being an example of the false-flagging activity they’re documenting in their “info post” about it. False-flagging accusations are a heavy thing to accuse someone of, and when it’s coming from someone who isn’t Jewish, it’s a textbook example of the antisemitic trope of “fabricating or exaggerating antisemitism” and in my personal experience, actual falseflaggers can usually be identified by other things that you really have to be actively involved in Jewish spaces to recognize. These things include misuse/misunderstanding of Yiddish (such as grammar and syntax errors), discussion of Jewish topics in terms that no Jewish person would actually use (but many Christians would), and they largely go undetected because comprising 0.2% of the global population means 99.8% of the world has had little or zero exposure to us.

Myrddin even admitted in a past post that their exposure to Jewish people is minimal and they therefore have limited ability to identify antisemitism unless it’s overt. Honestly this post of theirs about how antisemitism manifests itself in leftist circles is overall correct. So if they are aware of this, why do they think they are incapable of unwittingly perpetuating it themself? This is exactly what Myrddin did when they accused someone of faking being Jewish, and when they accused me of playing the victim because I didn’t appreciate that they joked about receiving reparations from Germany. If they knew even the basic minimum on the subject they would realize they were playing into classic tropes. Myrddin has no real exposure to Jewish spaces and dialogue and therefore no place to speak with any authority on whether or not they can accurately identify a falseflagger. Furthermore, to address the “it’s not just about youuuuu” edit they added - while it is absolutely true that there were other victims, no group was targeted, tracked, registered, and exterminated to the extent, or even in the same manner, that Jews and Romani and Sinti were. I encourage anyone reading this to seek out and listen to Jewish and Romani queer and disabled voices, who will say the same. Queer identity was feared because it was seen as a Jewish threat. For someone who claims to know so much about how antisemitism manifests itself on the Left, they are incredibly ignorant about one of the most common forms this takes: the “all lives matter” treatment of the Holocaust in Leftist circles.”

Alongside Myrddin’s anti-semitism, this is part of a much larger pattern of behavior of Myrddin employing the plight of Ukrainians as a tool to silence minorities. Whenever someone speaks from a relevant minority perspective on ukraine-related topics or simply against a Ukrainian voice, Myrddin proceeds to attack and speak over that minority. In the latter case, even when the topic is completely unrelated to their nationality or the war in Ukraine, myrddin drags in the Ukraine to invalidate those minorities and even implies that these minorities are somehow privileged.

Testimony from luyous: “Coming from a non-Ukrainian, this is completely inappropriate behavior, and to be completely honest, it’s depressingly similar to how the western mainstream has covered the Ukraine conflict compared to other conflicts and voices, such as Afghanistan, Yemen, Palestine, etc.”

Sinophobia

In the first incident two anonymous individuals both write to Myrddin about feeling ashamed in their countries, Brazil and China. In isolation, these posts could be shrugged off, but these drastically different responses to very similar questions about feeling shame about one’s country, placed within the larger pattern of myrddin’s behaviour and rhetoric about China, indicate prejudices at play.

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Testimony from Luyous: “Why does Myrddin express empathy for how the Brazil anon is ashamed of their country and talk about how they (Myrddin) is also ashamed of the United States, but the China Anon gets none of that? Myrddin doesn’t attempt to draw the same connections of country misdeeds and crimes between the United States and China like they do for the United States and Brazil, implies in the tags such attempts to do so would be “whataboutism.” While every country has its crimes, and China is a hegemonic power with more than its share of crimes, the fact that Myrddin can express “oh same” @ Brazil anon but refuses to do so for China anon and implies that:

1) Yes, you should be ashamed of your country.

2) Any attempts to “oh same” between China and the United States are an attempt to detract from China’s misdeeds versus Brazil.

These are all reflective of a double standard between the crimes of Brazil and China, indicative of a larger pattern of Myrddin’s inability to criticise China on the same terms as other nations.”

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year hare affair

“Year Hare Affair” is a far-right Chinese nationalist cartoon which Myrddin has posted about. Myrddin has repeatedly referenced this cartoon primarily popular amongst Chinese nationalists and not the general Chinese population to determine how Chinese people in general act and feel about geopolitics.

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The doc’s writers, many of whom are Chinese, find Myrddin’s behaviour distasteful at best and to have nationalist undertones at worst. It’s galling to see Americans like Myrddin smugly make memes about the US-China tensions while it’s primarily the Chinese American and Chinese Western diaspora who suffer the consequences of such rising tensions. Chinese people are extremely racialized and treated poorly by both North American society and government. White Americans, however, are not oppressed and are not uniquely mistreated by their government, and even have privileges in China as white expatriates. It’s just flatly false for Americans to act like they’re the underdog oppressed by China and throw their lot in with countries like Vietnam which have been mistreated by China. Additionally, this rhetoric ignores how Chinese people are brutalised in the west because such rhetoric has been normalised in the mainstream; is making a few memes that don’t change anything politically really worth contributing to grandmas getting bludgeoned on the streets?

Testimony from Peonycats: “In the words of another ESEA individual I spoke to about this topic, it’s very easy for White Westerners who will never be hurt by the escalating tensions between the West and China to go ‘C’mon Xi’ and goad said tensions on.”

Testimony from Tianshiisdead: “From the perspective of a muslim Chinese ethnic minority who’s lived in China and in the west (North America), Myrddin’s takes are honestly really harmful and the sort of subtle politically worded sinophobia that flies under the radar because it’s also championed by news media in the west and any opposition will be met with accusations of either being a wumao/genocide denier/totalitarian apologist (for left wing) or anti-american/traitor (for right wing), but these sorts of sentiments directly contribute to getting Chinese people (and Chinese adjacent/passing people) beaten and killed, as seen by the spike in hate crimes in recent years. I think there’s a sort of smugness and aloofness that permeates her posts on China, this idea that she’s not punching down but rather spectating a sports game or even punching up, a 'spunky’ feeling to her wording that honestly feels very gross, these are serious issues both being addressed in her posts and caused by her wording, and her distance from the violence as a white American is very clear imo. Like when she says 'cmon Xi!’ or whatever like it’s not people’s lives and the wellbeing of entire countries at stake… also a lot of the rhetoric leans dangerously close into absolving America for me, because she literally keeps posting about how China aggression wah wah China is being rude to America again wahhhh like America is Not The Victim of whatever China’s doing, and has its own history of oppression/exploitation of Chinese people and is currently the main force shit stirring in the region for its own purposes tbh. The sort of 'spunkiness’ vibe comes out when she mocks China, which I don’t think is appropriate given she’s a white American in a country where Chinese people are brutalized for both racial and political reasons, and also again, given the fact that America is Not the Victim and therefore her shit slinging at China can not in any way be construed as 'punching up’. The way she talks about Hetalia China rubs me the wrong way as well because like… okay Hetalia nation-tans do often reflect their gov but they are not ONLY their gov and given how Chinese people and culture are often conflated with their gov irl even in situations when they are the ones being hurt/oppressed most and treated accordingly, it’s just bad vibes all around when she often fluidly moves in between talking about Hetalia China and China’s gov actions irl.

Also, like, can I say as someone from an ethnic minority group that is on and off the target of suppression and has had family hurt by that suppression, Myrddin’s posting justifies in many ways its treatment of China due to Chinese government policy, but it just reeks of a white westerner cheering for blood while watching us get brutalized like a spectator sport, it’s pretty sickening lol not necessarily related to sinophobia but. like your (random white westerner’s) sinophobic ranting about china’s gov not only doesn’t help us minorities but also gets us racialized and killed when we move to the west for our own safety…”

spreading false narratives

Though not as egregious as harassing and demeaning minorities for speaking about their own oppression, Myrddin has also made some statements that end up white-washing less than savoury government regimes. During the dispute about the Falklands, Myrddin brought up Hong Kong as an example of another land dispute involving the British but was resolved without military intervention. However, this is ignoring the complexity of Hong Kong’s handover and also ironically repeats pro-CCP talking points:

1) A region being inhabited by majority ethnic Chinese does not justify PRC control of a territory; this is literally rhetoric used by the CCP to justify control over Hong Kong.

2) Poor taste for Myrddin, someone who is not Hong Konger, to be justifying Hong Kong’s handover and to be characterising it as ‘well-done’ in contrast to the Falklands dispute in the wake of international coverage of the Hong Kong protests.

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Myrddin also called the far right-wing government of Poland “sexy,” something which given their history of interactions with Jewish individuals, was found to be in poor taste, at best.

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The following is what the anonymous Jewish individual has to say about the Poland praising post: 1

conclusion

The authors would like to remind everyone not to harass Myrddin. Precipitating violent/death threats and anon hate against Myrddin or other racists in fandom is not the intent of this callout, and the writers would strongly condemn any attempts to do so. Rather, we would like everyone to become more aware of these racist behaviours and ask you to take a stand against it whenever you see it happening, both in fandom and outside of it.

We would also ask the Hetalia fandom to reflect: what does it say about the fandom that Myrddin has been allowed to continue participating and actively make content in the fandom for so long, even as they come into so many conflicts with minority fans over a period of several months? Why is it that a racist has an established circle of friends and followers in the fandom? Why does Myrddin feel entitled to defend multiple instances of racism from other Hetalia fans?

Are we fostering an atmosphere of tolerance for racists in fandom, such that they feel empowered to continue participating, while minorities in fandom are forced out?

And ultimately, what can we do to create environments that ethnic and religious minorities feel comfortable existing in?

Thank you!

[deanssexplorations]

Power Move: The Pussy Pulse

Over the years my stories have gotten longer and longer, to the point they have become daunting even to me. I kind of miss the earlier, simpler, sweeter stories like The Panty Dare or Caught by the Ranger. In the spirit of getting back into that vibe, I've been on the lookout recently for some fun, bite-sized stories to convey.

Luckily I had one of those just the other night. I was on a date with my friend Samantha, at a beautiful, upscale bar in San Francisco. We perched on stools at the bar itself, where we ordered drinks and appetizers and chatted with the bartender.

At first we each adopted what I'd consider to be "normal" barstool posture, both of us facing sort of forward, but each swiveled a bit toward the other so we could face each other when talking. My legs were spread a bit, in a typical male stance while hers were tucked closer together, each of our legs angled maybe two-thirds of the way toward the other.

We retained our positions for twenty or thirty minutes while we ate, chatted, and drank. Right around the half hour mark, when our drinks were in need of a refill, Samantha swiveled on her stool and faced me directly, spread her legs wide, took my knee in two hands and guided it to rest firmly against her pussy.

Such a power move.

Now, before you get your hopes up, she was wearing sleek black slacks. But no underwear. And high come-fuck-me heels. Yeah, she was looking damn hot.

With my kneecap now pressing into her pussy, we continued drinking, flirting, and chatting; Samantha pointing out the two or three men in the bar she most wanted to fuck and me telling her about my upcoming birthday harem. But more on that in a future blog post.

Meanwhile, on an entirely separate plane of awareness, I was hyperfocused on the sensations in my right knee. She had become quite aroused (to her credit, Samantha is one of the most arousable, orgasmic women I have ever met), and her pussy had become so engorged, that I could clearly and definitively feel each and every heartbeat. Distinctly. Individually. Like the steady rhythm of a well-oiled grandfather clock.

We continued that way, uninterrupted, for at least another 45 minutes, until, neither one of us able to take it any more, we paid the tab and headed back to her place. Where I proceeded to strip her naked and provide her not-so-patiently waiting pussy with a yoni massage (yes, that's the latest skill I've been practicing; likely more on that in an another future blog post). Which made her squirt all over and left a giant mess on her bedsheets and the bath towels we had laid down ahead of time.

I like to think I have a few power moves as well.

[ddejavvu]

Imagine imagine imagine, Step dad Remus getting jealous after you come home from a date for multiverse Monday

today is multiverse monday! send me any au you can think of :)

a quick note: i totally understand if you're not into stepcest! i personally am not upset by it as my boundaries are sexually illegal acts, and it's not illegal. but everyone has different boundaries, and this happens to be the darkest thing i've ever posted on this blog. i understand if you want no part of this, so if you'd like to avoid this content in the future, block #dark mei (at the bottom of this post) to avoid it! I will not judge you for not wanting to read this or see it, and i ask that you please do not send hate towards me for writing it, or the anon for requesting it. everyone has different tastes, and i'm here to indulge pretty much anything that isn't illegal. 

on with the blurb! this post is 18+ and dark, minors dni. reader is 18+ in this.

The front door creaked ominously as you stepped through it, and you let out a soft hiss at the sound. You couldn’t afford your mum knowing you were out this late. You couldn’t imagine the lecture you’d get from her, about responsibility, trust, and rule following. You managed to shut it without making a sound, sighing in relief as you turned around, when your eyes caught sight of a figure standing in the doorway.

Your breath caught in your throat as you flattened yourself against the door, eyes wide as you processed who was standing in front of you. Remus stared down at you coolly, eyes set in an unimpressed glare.

“Would you like to tell me what you were doing out at one in the morning?” 

You’d never heard your stepdad this angry before. Though his face rested in a deceivingly mild glare, his voice was laced with venomous rage that far outweighed any that your mother had ever hit you with.

“I was just...” You tried coming up with something that he wouldn’t be mad at, or at least, the least mad at, “I was-”

“Don’t you dare lie to me,” Remus spat, striding forwards to stand only a few feet in front of you, “What were you doing?”

“I was on a date,” You admitted, your voice hushed and tearful, “Please don’t be mad at me.”

The word date had his eyes flashing with an unreadable glint, but he stared at you with it for only a moment before his frown became even more hard-set.

“A date? With who?”

“Just a boy.” You weren’t sure why he was asking, it’s not like he would have known the names of anyone you were interested in anyways. He tended to steer clear of topics surrounding your love life, you assumed it was awkward for him to imagine his step daughter getting it on with someone.

Remus took a moment to breathe deeply, some of the animosity running away from his expression, “Well, I hope you said goodbye to him. You won’t be seeing him anymore, you won’t be seeing any boys anymore for that matter.”

“What?!” You protested, inching forwards off of the door, “But you can’t do that! I’m eighteen, I’m a legal adult!” You could see whoever you wanted to! Who was he to tell you you weren’t allowed to date?

“I know, sweetheart,” Remus’s frown flipped, a wry grin on his lips, “That’s why I’ve got to keep you safe. Anyone could come along and have at you, so I’ve gotta be sure you’re safe with me.”

You groaned, the image of your love life being terminated because of some bullshit overprotectiveness flooding your brain, “That’s not fair at all!”

“Maybe not,” He watched you storm up the stairs to your bedroom, that unreadable glint back in his eyes, “But I’m not taking my chances.”

[hongjoongsgoat]

No it stopped being “if you find x, y, z content uncomfortable, then avoid these blogs” when you bring discord into it and admit "note: most of the claims made for these users are specific to their server only - their main blogs may not reflect this behavior." My being on an 18+ discord server has no impact on someone's comfortableness on my 15+ blog.

Furthermore, this list shows a complete lack of knowledge of the server members as there's some people on the list who you can't justify giving them the label "sexualizes ateez to an objectifying point" no matter how you cut it so it's guilt by association. "i never said that everything claimed was 100% accurate" however the list seems to be so inaccurate it's not even worth making.

This is also shown in your claim: "this server is known to be extremely problematic as they sexualize the members of ateez to an intense amount, and they try to assume/force member sexuality preferences." The server has a diverse range of principals on how we should navigate and regulate our own relationships with Ateez so I'm not going to stand up on a soapbox and say 'no these are our principals and reasons' but note how I said our own relationship with Ateez. The server is a welcoming place and we engage with what we're comfortable with without trying to force others to stick to certain morals. I just want to say this, as a blanket statement, is on the whole false and extremely lacking in nuance.

The same could not be said of this list as there's no guidelines as to what "to an objectifying point" actually means and we're to blindly trust whatever you've chosen, you're certainly okay with Ateez being spoken/written about in a NSFW context because if not this list would be much much longer as Atinyblr has no shortage of smut writers. So tell me at what point does it become objectifying and why are you the judge of it?

I personally don't think the way I treat Ateez is on an objectifying level or any worse than the average adult Atiny but it's hard to say when the list is so vague and encompasses people who definitely don't. If people have issues with my behaviour I should hope they feel comfortable enough to approach me about it and have an adult conversation instead of vaugely accusing me of being problematic with no elaboration or really even a reason.

Furthemore I will not be filling out the form because quite frankly I do not trust you with my email. You doxxed people's names that they go by on the server, including people's real names that weren't public knowledge on Tumblr so fuck no I'm not giving you my email address.

There's other issues to be taken with the list but they're not mine to speak on but know I have them. I strongly advise in future you dedicate more time to uplifting the blogs you like than bashing those you don't or keep it to DMs. Even a list of 18+ blogs would be more useful and less harmful to the community as a way to curate experiences rather than this half-assed twitteresque callout post. If you don't like something block and move on. And maybe I dare say that you might actually like us if you look past minute differences in kpop opinions and get to know us as people, it's not like a massive political difference that can't be overcome.

I don't particularly expect you to care or respond to this but I felt like some things here would be valuable to the wider audience and I hope you at least think about it.

let's clarify:

my name is joey, and i created this list because i got sick and tired of hearing my friends complain about people.

i want to warn people about users that may make other people uncomfortable.

this is not me saying you all deserve to be cancelled. this is a list of solidarity to show that if you find this account to be uncomfortable for you, then you're not the only one.

the point of the list was to just warn people. it's called a red list for that reason. you can be friends with whoever you want on the internet, you can post whatever you want on the internet. my list simply tells you that if you find x, y, z content uncomfortable, then avoid these blogs. if you want to avoid drama, avoid these blogs. it's a very simple list.

my intentions with the list were also made pretty clear in the first page. i think a lot of you have skipped over the first page of the list that explains the reason behind the list. i encourage you all to read.

report me. block me. hate me. slander me. keep proving my point on why you should be avoided. my list will remain.

i have attached forms for you to dispute the claims if you would like. i didn't close it off entirely. i never said that everything claimed was 100% accurate. i said everything would be biased. if you're mad about the truth, then you're mad about the truth.

[may-clouds]

NOT A TRUTH

harry potter x gn!reader blurb

― summary

― fluff

― inspired by this post

― words 0.6k

― warnings: none

― also hi, i'm back after a little hiatus from this blog! i'm currently working on a request i got from an anon, and now that my gcses are over, i hope to be able to write a lot more in the near future :)

masterlist

Hermione was still giggling at the aftermath from the last dare she had given you. You pressed your lips together in a thin line to suppress your embarrassment, not wanting your friend to laugh at you even more.

You clear your throat, turning to Harry. He was sitting to your left, meeting your eyes with a wide-eyed stare.

There was no way that your friend didn't see the devilish gleam in your eyes. You were in the mood to tease Harry. It was something that you loved to do - there was something exhilarating about catching the boy out.

That rush of adrenaline most likely came from the fact that you were teasing the boy that you'd had a crush on for years. Obviously, you weren't going to admit that to anyone other than Hermione, but provoking Harry seemed to be your way of flirting.

You leaned closer to him slightly. Even this small change in proximity made his breath hitch in his throat.

"Truth or dare?" you ask plainly, not even trying to hide your smirk as his face starts to turn red.

Harry swallowed, hoping to get any sort of moisture in his mouth or he feared that his words would come out as incoherent mumbles, "Truth?"

His reply was uncertain which made Ron cackle from the sidelines. Harry paid no mind to his friend, unable to look away from you.

"Perfect," you grin, "I dare you to kiss me."

The room fell silent. Nobody dared to speak.

Harry, so stunned by your proposition, slowly let his eyes wander down to your lips.

You'd caught him out - he didn't even notice that you'd dared him to do something when he asked for a truth.

Now that you'd gotten this far, you started to panic. Part of you had thought that Harry would've realised your trick, so you never thought about the situation that you were in now.

Neither you nor Harry noticed, but Ron opened his mouth to remind Harry that he chose truth, but Hermione smacked him in the shoulder to shut him up.

"Are you sure?" Harry whispered, discreetly running his tongue along his lower lip.

If this tension kept up for any longer, you were sure you'd cave in first. But that wasn't what you wanted.

"Only if you are." you reply just as quietly.

Harry didn't need any more confirmation from you, the look in your eyes was enough to prove to him that you were being truthful.

Within an instant, he had a hand on the back of your neck and gently pulled you into a searing kiss. Your hands laid on the sides of his face, making sure he stayed where he was. You felt his other hand slide around your waist and you could feel him smiling against your lips.

It wasn't a short kiss by any means. Your lips moved with his in perfect sync, but you only pulled away from eachother when Ron coughed awkwardly.

The pair of you lurched away from eachother, both embarrassed and refusing to look at eachother after such a head-spinning moment.

Ron groaned, frustrated that he was just forced into watching two of his best friends make out in front of him, "Harry, I don't know if you realised it - but you CHOSE A TRUTH!"

[oknowkiss]

friday flash recs: april 29, 2022

hiya lovely people! this week, we are putting on our brave hobbit faces and adventuring into the world of NON-DRARRY HARRY & DRACO pairings. today’s list focuses on m/m pairings, with future lists in the works for het and wlw fics. relatedly! if you have any recs--bc i know there’s loads of amazing non-drarry pairings i have barely scratched the surface of--pls feel free to leave them a comment! (i’m especially interested if you have a nottpott, harry/neville, harry/luna, and really any wlw rec to share!) 

> apprehending the auror || @dumbledoodlewriting​​ || nottpott || M / 3.8K alaric hardwood is Nott who he seems. you know how they say never meet your heroes? usually it’s because they’ll disappoint you, but this fic dares to ask: what if it’s because you might end up fucking them? full disclosure that dumble is a dear friend of mine, but even if she wasn’t, i’d be obsessed with this version of theo & romance-devouring badass harry. (as proof of statement: you’ll see alaric easter eggs in some of my own fics!)

> charlie & harry, sittin’ in a tree || elle_gray || charlie/harry || E / 10.7K this was my intro to charry. and like, what an intro. charlie & harry are stuck in a storm and, well, what better time to figure things out about yourself (tm). the interplay of hesitancy and desire feels so real here, there’s so much “i shouldn’t but i’m gonna” ust and i, for one, hope it never stops raining on these boys.

> good intent || @maesterchill​ || jeddy & teddy/harry || E / 11.9K another pairing intro fic for me! i devoured this, lying in bed the morning it posted, growing increasingly desperate for caffeine but unable to stop reading for even a second to put the kettle on. i think... i am a jeddy stan now??? this is sex mentor trope, it’s body acceptance, it’s discovery... and teddy’s b-plot with harry is so real and complex and layered in just perfectly to complement the overall plot. this is a little bit of a cheat, because it’s also background drarry, but this is my blog and i say it’s okay. thanks, me.

> keep swinging your bat my way || @veelawings​ || dron || E / 670 i think i’ve read this ten or fifteen times now. i mean, for starters it’s quidditch locker room sex. i could stop this rec right there; you’ve probably already clicked into it. but i will continue, because this ron deserves a six-volume essay. he’s so tactile and hot. and did i mention breeding kink?? yeah, there’s breeding kink. do we all just agree that ron has a great dick and is really good at sex?? it’s okay if you don’t, freedom of opinion is highly encouraged here on oscar isaac’s internet, but if you’re in any way ron “life-changing dick” weasley-curious, read this and then let’s talk.  > seldom used, to date || @vdoshu​ || tomarry || E / 3K (mind the tags) i’m in trouble dot gif. look. if you’re going to use the “murder husbands” AND “harry is a little shit” tags on the same fic??? i’m going to read it immediately, and then read it again, and then go back and read the rest of the series until 2 AM and wake up late for work the next day. i’ve been tomarry curious for a while now, and this series is a great introduction. a canon-divergent no 1st war au where tom is the minister for magic & harry is his bratty little boyfriend. there’s worldbuilding, there’s snark, there’s ritual knives and runes and blood magic. i can’t wait to see where it goes next.  

> theft of assets, destruction of property || helenish || dreville || E / 23K this is the best neville characterization i’ve ever read. full stop. forced marriage, auror trainees, with background harry/ron/hermione triad. draco processes his life through cooking. this neville is so interesting, so strong and yet tender, and the way him and draco open up to each other over time is beautiful and complex and it feels like a dream we get to experience it as readers.

& the currently reading can-you-tell-i’m-in-a-dron-and-charlie-weasley-phase (pause to inhale) certainly-more-shouting-to-come-once-i’ve-finished list:

> a soft spot for lost causes || helenish || dron || remedying my lapse of not having read helenish’s other published HP work. so far it is, as expected, perfect.

> charlie weasley’s fuck autobiography || @lqtraintracks​​ || charlie + all combos of harry, draco, teddy, etc || i too think that everyone should fuck charlie weasley and i can’t believe i get to read about it. a blessed day.

> dreaming skies || @sweet-s0rr0w @tackytigerfic​ || dron || i’ve read half of this thus far and have, multiple times, had to stop and stare at the wall and just... admire. the “i didn’t come here for your charity” exchange? pingponging in my brain for days, folks.

> licurici || @lou-isfake​​ || charry, drarlie, drarrlie triad || i started reading this while waiting to board a plane, downloaded it to read on the plane, and then had to stop because it kept sending me on face journeys. now that i’m back home i’ve picked it up again and oh, my heart. more to come for sure.  < last time: murder me harry (my fave harry characterizations)

[boldlyanxious]

In the Dark

Masterlist

Marinette saw Damian headed down the hallway and she quickly turned down the back hallway and slipped into a costume closet. She had already had a long rough day with one of the supporting actresses causing a series of problems that somehow were all Marinette's fault. She did not need to deal with Damian as she was headed out the door. He was arrogant and always found something to complain about and it was usually about her. They had gotten off on the wrong foot and now the only thing she had ever seen him happy about was her being unhappy.

She only planned to be here for a moment but she heard him curse as his footsteps moved past the hallway and then move quickly down into the hall and the closet door opened. She pushed back into the corner hoping whatever he needed was in the front and he wouldn’t see her. She couldn’t imagine what he would need to get from there anyway. He had made it very clear that as the star of the show everyone should be meeting his needs and he had no need to know where to find his costumes or props.

Instead of getting something out of the closet he opened the door and stepped in, closing the door behind him. She had no time to shift away or any way to hide that she was in there. She held her breath and backed into the corner. She couldn’t fathom why he had followed her into here anyway. He shifted the costumes and pushed himself right into the corner until he was against her. There was nowhere for her to escape to, she let out a startled squeak as he pressed himself into her.

---

Damian could not stand Cecile. She was vapid and loud. She never had an end to her questions or ideas. She had gotten a good supporting part in the movie, but she was not a lead role for which she constantly complained. He did his best to avoid her off set but she had a habit of showing up everywhere. Honestly the entire movie was a waste and he wished he could get out of his contract. The other lead was fine. They had little interaction outside of the set and she did well with the part. Everyone else on the cast and crew were extremely tiresome with the exception of one costume designer. She was an apprentice and this was her first project on her own but it was overseen by her mentor. She was efficient and had a great eye. She had a hesitancy and stammering manner but she didn’t fawn over him like many of the others did.

Cecilie had been even more insufferable today than usual after catching Damian not listening to her because he got distracted watching the costume designer, Marinette. When Damian heard Cecile loudly talking about how she was looking for him so they could leave together and check out the new tapas place he panicked slightly. He did not want to deal with her anymore so he rushed down the back hallway and through the first door he saw. He pulled the door closed behind himself. He was moving too quickly for the small space. He thought it was an office or workspace but it turned out to be a small closet. A very small closet and it was pretty full of costumes. He tried to halt his movements and remain silent. He ended up right in the corner, or would have if someone was not already occupying it.

The other person made a startled eeep sound and he covered her mouth before they could be discovered. They were silent and listening as Cecile wandered around shouting for Damian. He was so focused on listening for her that he didn’t realize for several moments that his hand was still covering the mouth of the other person. There was no light in the closet so he wasn’t sure who was in here with him, or why. Hopefully they could be persuaded to refrain from mentioning this incident if he offered the right incentive.

---

Marinette was certain the loud sound of her beating heart would give them away. She would probably have been breathing heavier but Damian’s had covered her mouth and his other arm had moved to the back of her head holding her head still. She didn’t dare try to get him to stop. She quickly figured out why he had jumped in here and it had nothing to do with her. She could hear one of the other actresses screeching around looking for him. She couldn’t blame his escape, especially since she had just done the same. Maybe she could convince him that she was also hiding from the odious woman. She was pretty nasty to Marinette and honestly she might have made the same choice if she thought the woman was looking for her.

She could feel every one of his muscles tensed against her as Cecile continued screeching out Damian's name. She would never give him the satisfaction of saying how that made her feel. He had already wanted his distaste at her mentioning anything about how the costume would look on him or display his muscles. She had just been making conversation while getting measurements but he had mistaken her inquiries about the costume's fit and material preferences as trying to make a pass at him. He told her to just do her job and leave her personal opinions out of it so she had just made the best choices she could without his input then or in the future. If he wanted to be a diva she would wait for the complaints.

Marinette shifted in his hold. She was right against his chest but she was still holding herself back into the corner with her arms at her sides. It had been quiet for several minutes when Damian released the pressure from her mouth pulling his hand away. His other hand seemed to release the back of her head slowly, almost threading through her stray hairs. She stayed rigid in the corner and she still remained silent. She didn’t know the protocol for greeting a person you randomly hid in a closet with, maybe she could find a book or a humorous blog post about it. He seemed uninterested in coming up with small talk and simply turned away from her and turned the door handle. Then he twisted it again with the same result. Several more times before he seemed to accept that there was a problem.

---

“It's locked,” he said.

“No, are you sure?”

“If you can manage to open it, be my guest.”

Damian felt the woman shift and he turned so she could reach the door. Same result. It wouldn’t twist. That didn’t stop her from trying several more times and then making an irritated sound before rattling the door against the jamb.

“I’ve left my phone in the dressing room. Use yours to call someone to let us out.”

“My phone is in my office. But great news. I have the keys. Unfortunately the lock is on the other side of the door.”

“That is useless.” he sounded angry. “Why were you in here anyway?”

“This is a costume closet. I have every right to be here.” she said. “You are the one who followed me in and locked the door.”

This gave him the information to place her voice which helped make sense of her having an office instead of a dressing room. He didn't think she would accept any bribery from him to keep quiet but fortunately it was because he didn't think Marinette was the type to talk about any of the cast or crew. He had heard her be asked questions by reporters before and she always expertly sidestepped the questions to focus on aspects to promote the movie or her own work on the costumes.

He wasn't sure how to bring anything up with her. He had his first meeting with her directly after the initial meeting with the cast that has reporters. He had gotten along great with the other lead Amy and her husband at the meeting but that is when he first met Cecilie. He had been very grateful to get away from her for a quiet fitting but on her first day Marinette was distracted and fumbling. He had later found out she hadn't been told to be there at all and had rushed in to get measurements. He had been her first fitting and he was already in a foul mood. Her innocent questioning felt too personal so he scolded her harshly.

---

She released the handle and turned away from the door, bumping into him in the process. He stepped back from her but he was against the wall so he reached out and nudged her away. Marinette stumbled when he pushed her and hit the wall on the other side. She pushed against it to keep herself up. She tried to smooth out the costumes so they would not be damaged in the small space. She felt around trying to think through everything that was located in this closet. She was hoping something would prove useful for their current predicament. She didn’t even realize she was talking quietly to herself until he asked about it.

“What are you muttering about?” he asked.

“I’m trying to inventory the costumes to see if there is anything here that can help us get out of here,” she said.

“I thought you were very professional until I found you hiding in a closet and now muttering to yourself.”

Marinette turned quickly to confront him. How dare he suggest she was the one being unprofessional when he had tried the same thing. She turned on him quickly. Too quickly. She slipped on a piece of fabric when she spun back towards him and stumbled. Her arms flailed out and grabbed for anything to keep her from tumbling. She cringed as she felt herself grasp at the costumes but she couldn’t seem to stop it. She made a series of noises to go along with the sounds of the hangers being yanked to the side.

But then she felt his arms go around her and pull her back to her feet. She latched onto him in an attempt to stay upright but he had lunged too far. She was only on her feet for a split second before he crashed into her and they both fell down into a heap. He was fully on top of her and she twisted to try to get free of his weight. Like a game of Twister she realized her back was on top of one of his arms and her legs were tangled in his.

His chest lifted as he shifted against her. She tried to move again but she could not get her arms under her with his weight on top of her. She froze as his hand moved against her and down the outer part of her skirted side and leg. She pulled away from his hand causing both of them to collapse back down again. His arms pulled her against him tightly as he started twisting. She struggled against him until he told her to stop. She froze again and he flipped them over until he was sitting with his back against the wall with her straddling his lap.

---

Damian was regretting not just letting her fall. He could hear her flailing and reached out without thinking but now they were on the ground tangled together. She seemed to be panicking so he took charge. He felt around a bit to find out how they were tangled before making his move. She was not cooperating with any of his attempts to get them apart. She was doing the exact opposite of what they needed to do to get back to their feet.

“You are making everything worse. Just hold still,” he growled.

Finally she stopped and he was able to lift her to him and turn them both over. Now she was on top of him but they were in a better position to get untangled. His hands were resting at her hips as she moved forward, leaning against his chest. Everything in him told him to wrap his arms around her and keep her close to him but she pushed off and got back to her feet. He was shocked that he missed the feel of her against him. He chose to ignore that and pushed himself to his feet.

She was already back to going through the costumes to find a way out of here. He considered what would have happened if he became locked in a closet with almost any other woman who had been around today. He didn’t think that any of them would be trying very hard to get out. They would probably be trying to find a way to get closer to him.

---

Marinette tried to contain her breathing so Damian would not notice how affected she was. She had to get out of this closet. It was not doing her any good being this close to him. She was shaking remembering the feeling of his body on top of hers and then shifting until she was on his lap, against his chest. She had known he was attractive. That was clearly printed in every magazine that had ever had a photo set of him. But being pressed against his muscles was very different from taking his measurements and checking the fit of his costumes. She just had to remind herself that he hated her.

She had gone through all the costumes on the first row and she hadn’t come up with any brilliant ideas. A couple of the costumes had pins in them that might be used to push into the back of the lock to force the mechanism open but she didn’t think any of them were stored here. She wondered if the hangers could force the handle open. They were pretty sturdy. She moved back to check the costumes to decide which ones would be least harmed by not being on a hanger for a bit. She found 3 that should work and so she went through the process of removing them.

---

“You’ve had an idea,” Damian said.

He had taken a moment to calm himself after he stood back up but suddenly her movements felt feverish and hurried. He could tell she was working on some sort of plan even without being able to see her.

“I’m getting hangers. I think they could be used as a lever to force the handle open.”

“That sounds possible. How can I help?”

“I think it will have to be you doing all of the work. I’m not tall enough to put the pressure in the right spot.”

Damian reached out for her to get the hanger. Her hand pulled back suddenly when their fingers touched. He wasn’t sure how to react to that. He wasn’t one to be overly touchy and definitely not pushy about the feelings he thought might be developing but it was unexpected. Before he had time to consider further she had pushed it back and it poked into his chest and he was able to get it from her.

He reached out for the door handle and settled the hanger over it to apply the pressure. It was very tight and he could feel the handle turning but when he added a bit more pressure the handle snapped. He cursed while Marinette checked to see if it had opened. She made a disappointed noise and handed him the next hanger. Possibly he was a bit too frustrated because it snapped almost immediately. The broken wood jammed into his forearm. Marinette tried to pull his arm into the thin strip of light coming under the door.

“I don’t think it broke the skin but it will probably have scratches or bruising.”

He made a noncommittal noise and tried not to focus on her fingers gliding along his skin. It didn’t even hurt that bad any more. It had just been a sudden pain. But he found he liked being the target of her concern. He reached out to stop her fingers on his arm. She sucked in a breath at the unexpected contact and pulled back. He could practically feel her shake herself out of a daze. They were too close to hide much of anything in here. He just wasn’t sure if she was reacting to his touch in a good way or just trying to get away from him.

He instead focused on getting them out of there.

---

Marinette jumped when Damian grabbed her hand from his injured arm. She had completely lost all thought about what she was doing. He had never given her any sign that he wanted her to continue touching him beyond the initial check of his injury. Luckily he could not see her face heat up in the dark. She pulled away quickly so he wouldn’t notice how much she just wanted to hold onto his hand. His focus had returned to the door handle so that is where she would focus too. She was too quiet for him to hear her stammering apologies but just handed off the final hanger she had gotten. She could tell the difference with this attempt immediately. The handle was making a noise as it turned and Damian was adjusting it as it moved so the hanger wouldn’t snap.

Then just like that, the handle fell to the ground with a clatter. Marinette couldn’t contain her excitement. She laughed with joy and grabbed Damian and pulled him into a tight hug. She hardly even noticed that he was hugging her back because she was bouncing around. She didn’t notice until the hug didn’t end when she expected. She tended to be a hugger so she was accustomed to pulling back when the other person pulled back but after the excited feeling was washing away she started to step back only to realize that he was still holding on. His head tilted into the crook of her neck before with one final squeeze he slid away slowly. Marinette had to hold onto the wall for a moment when he released because her knees were suddenly too weak to hold her up.

---

Damian held her in his arms and wished the feeling could never end. He didn’t often hug people. He rarely enjoyed it when he did, aside from a few close family members and friends. But holding Marinette in his arms just felt right. She fit against him. He could feel her pulling back but they were about to be out of the space and he may never be close to her like this again. He tightened his hold for just a second before releasing her slowly. He hoped she couldn’t feel how hard his heart was beating just now or that she would not tell everyone how he gave awkward long hugs. He squared his shoulders and pushed against the door.

The door didn’t just push open so he looked at the mechanism stuck in the handle hole. He pushed on the tab and it did nothing. The locked handle was still stuck on the outside and it wouldn’t budge. It was fastened on with screws. Marinette had picked up the handle and tried to get it to connect to the piece but it wasn’t working. Damian didn’t think that would help anyway but she was clearly in distress.

“Is there a screw to use to push in the pin hole?” Damian asked.

“No. There are no screws on this side. It was connected with threads to connect to the other piece of the handle.”

“Where is the hanger? I can use the piece that holds it to apply pressure.”

Marinette handed him one of the hangers.

“I don’t think that will work. The hanger doesn’t have the piece like that. They connect directly onto the rack so the costumes are less likely to fall and be damaged, especially during shipping or when people get locked into the closet and stuck for all eternity.”

Damian started to laugh at her joke but then he realized she wasn’t actually joking. She was breathing heavily and was backed against the wall.

---

Marinette didn’t know what else to do. They had tried everything and they couldn’t get out. No one else would be there for hours. She held onto the wall and while her head was spinning. At least Damian couldn’t see her acting so foolishly. She bit her lip to control her breathing and hot tears ran down her cheeks. She could hear Damian moving but even with another beam of light shining in she still couldn’t see what he was doing. Maybe it was good that he hadn’t given up yet. It wouldn’t be great to have them both breaking down at the same time.

But Damian had not stopped at the door. He was right there in front of her. He rested a hand on her shoulder and she just knew that he could feel the wet spot where her tears had dripped down. She felt the fingers on his other hand on her cheek, gently wiping away her tears. She couldn’t hold in a sob at his tenderness. She covered her face with her hands but he didn’t let that stop him. He pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her.

---

Damian was not the first person anyone would go to when they were in distress but in this case he was the only one available. He made gentle hushing noises and smoothed her hair back from her face. He breathing had calmed but she was crying into her hands. She was struggling to get some distance so he could hear what she was saying. He caught just the last bit through her muffled tears.

“I’m crying all over your shirt,” she said.

“Don’t worry about my clothes. They will be fine,” he said. “Are you okay?”

“I think I’m just not a huge fan of small spaces.”

He brushed the last of her tears from her cheeks. Her breathing was calmer now and he wasn’t sure what suddenly came over him. His hand was on her jaw and he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. He could feel her gasp against his lips but he realized she had stayed rigid and not melted against him. She wasn't kissing him. He had kissed her while she was against a wall trapped with him in a small closet. He stumbled back from her.

---

Marinette was so distraught about being such a mess in front of him it took her a moment to process what had happened. He had just kissed her. He seemed just as shocked as her when he pulled away. She didn’t think he had planned it. She didn’t even think he could stand her. She could still feel him standing right in front of her. Not that he had many options for where to go. His hands dropped from her and they just stood there, inches apart for a moment.

He turned back to the door and tried to mess with the lock again. She could see his face in the light coming from the hole in the door. Two separate strands of light hit his face. She could see the tenseness in his cheekbone that she imagined moved down to his jaw. The other was shining directly on his lips. She touched her own remembering the feel of his on hers.

She could feel his bicep tense as she reached out and touched him. She had to force herself to breathe. He didn't pull away but he reserved any reaction waiting to see what she would do. She knelt down next to him and slid her hand up to his shoulder. If possible he tensed even more. She reached up with her other hand and tentatively touched his jaw. She could feel the bit of rugged stubble required for the scene today. It was much softer than she had imagined.

---

Damian didn't think he quite stopped the groan that came out as her fingers brushed along his jaw. He generally preferred clean shaven but as her fingers continued to move through his stubble he was gaining an appreciation for it. He moved slowly as her second hand moved up to his jaw. She seemed over the shock of being kissed against the wall while crying but he wanted to wait for her to make a move. It was torturously slow. She was being cautious too. But he felt her body shift and then her thumb brushed along his bottom lip.

Her lips met his as she leaned forward. Her hesitancy vanished when he responded. His hand moved back to her hair where it had been when he first entered the closet and covered her mouth. She pushed herself against him from her knees but he craved her closer. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into his lap. She planned a knee on either side of his hip and wrapped her arms around his neck. He kept one arm around her waist and one threading through her hair as it cascaded out of the bun.

Damian wasn't sure how much time had passed. They had pulled away for air several times and shifted positions as well. Marinette's hair was fully down from her previous hair do and her clothing looked delightfully wrinkled when the door opened and light poured in. He watched her squint at the sudden brightness. He must look something like her. Her chest was heaving and her lips red and puffy. He was tempted to shut the door again and stay hidden with her longer.

---

Marinette was dazed when the door suddenly opened and poured light over them. Her eyes were shocked at the amount of light too quickly. She knew the person who opened the door could clearly tell what they had been doing. She looked away from the man's smirk and down at the floor. She glanced back up at Damian. His hair was sticking out in all directions and his shirt was untucked. He stood and reached to pull her to her feet. She noticed a couple buttons undone at the top of his shirt. She suddenly wondered about the buttons on her own blouse and turned away to fix them.

"Jon, it's great to see you. How did you know to look for us?"

"Your brother called and said you missed dinner and wouldn't answer your phone. I sent a video of a baby elephant being cute and you didn't react so I knew something had to be wrong," Jon said.

"We have been locked in here for hours. No phone or tools and the handle was broken."

"Sounds," Jon cleared his throat, "rough."

Marinette wasn't making eye contact. She had readjusted her clothes and pulled her hair into a low ponytail. She couldn't avoid the awkwardness anymore. She stepped into the hallway and both men looked at her. She opened her mouth but realized she had nothing to say. She turned on her heels quickly and started to rush away. Her cheeks were burning and she thought she might start crying again.

What had she been thinking? There were all sorts of rumors about what kind of man Damian might be. It was widely thought that he remained single so he could hook up with women from all over and pay them for their silence. There had been all a lot of suggestions about who he might secretly be involved with but there had never been a confirmed relationship. She just knew things at work would end up very awkward if anyone found out. Both her and Damian were professional so perhaps they could manage to hide the awkwardness until the end of the project and then never see each other again.

"Marinette?" Damian's voice was quiet and he stopped her with a hand on her arm. "Would you like to go to dinner tonight? I need to freshen up a bit but I imagine you are as hungry as I am."

He sounded so uncertain. She wondered what he was thinking. Everything felt perfect when they were alone but in the sudden light and openness they were uncertain again.

"I'd like that," she said.

They both took a few minutes making themselves presentable and gathering their things. Marinette was happy she wouldn't have to catch the late night subway. Damian introduced his friend Jon and said he would keep everything about the incident to himself. She was grateful for that and for him waiting on the introduction until she had fixed her appearance. His hand hovered at her back at they walked out. Jon excused himself and left them alone as they got in the car.

Marinette buckled her seatbelt in silence. When she looked over Damian hadn't started the car. He was watching her. When she looked at him he leaned towards her. She met his lips as they gently brushed against each hers. Her heart was suddenly pounding again.

"I was aching to do that again," he said.

He turned back and started the car to take her on their first date.

Taglist

@theymakeupfairies | @emjrabbitwolf | @vixen-uchiha | @trythisagainlove | @trippingovermyfeet | @tbehartoo | @adrestar | @zynna

[historicfailure]

Weekly Heads-Up and Results of the Questionnaire

Coming Up:

some NSFW-headcanon about Yamato ^^ Finally managed to get that one done >-< It will be posted next week on Saturday, as a little in-between content ^^

Also, I typed the angsty Obito one-shot up, which will be posted in two weeks on Saturday!

Working On:

A Kisame idea I had a while ago. Basically, he’s a lifeguard at the local lake and the reader visits with her nephew to cool down on a hot summer day. The reader has some weight insecurities, too, which will be interesting to write and incorporate ^^ I have no idea how long this will become, but knowing me, I won’t be able to stay beneath three chapters ^^’‘ SFW so far, but definitely has the potential to become NSFW as well ;D

Otherwise, not so much. I’m keeping it slow and relaxed at the moment, after I didn’t write for nearly one week and only typed up the one one-shot in the second one. But as you can see, I can’t stay down for too long ^^’‘

I have no idea when I will post something again after the Obito one-shot, but I will let you guys know as soon as I know. Thank you for all the support! :D

Now, to the Results of the questionnaire.

First, a big thanks to the 14 people who were so kind to answer my questions! It means a lot to me, as those answers allow me to see what I can focus on next ^^

Alright: here we go:

First question was, what you guys would like to see more of in the future. We have a clear winner for this one.

1) more fics with 13 votes

2) more personal stuff and little updates with 8 votes

2) tied with headcanons and scenarios with 8 votes

and 3) is a discord server with 5 votes.

more interaction with the tumblr crowd (4 votes), writing the requests (3 votes), Kakashi fics (1 vote) and whatever makes me happy (1 vote).

That already gave me a huge pointer on what to focus next. More fics are of course a no-brainer for me as well, but I honestly wouldn’t have guessed you would like to see/hear more from me on a personal level. I have kept it low in that regard because I honestly wasn’t sure if that would be even interesting, but from here on out I will try to give more personal updates as well :) Also, headcanons and scenarios could help me improve in keeping things short, so I will see what I can do in that regard. And, last but not least, the discord server ^^ I have a server in the works and will keep working away on it, plus finding people willing to mod and improve the server as well. When I’m halfway happy with the first version of the server, I will post an invite link ^^

The next question was: Apart from the usual suspects I write, do you wish to see other characters written by me?

And the answer was a very decisive and telling...

tie.

Together with the logical follow-up question: What other characters would you like to see written by me? The answers were:

Shisui (2 votes)

Kisame (1 vote)

Shikamaru (1 vote)

Genma (1 vote)

Itachi (2 votes)

and Akatsuki characters in general, for example Konan or Yahiko.

Also, anyone I’m comfortable with, whatever character I want or more Yamato and Kakashi were given as answers. Which is also very telling ;D

Given the fact that there are wishes (and, dare I say it, need) for other characters than the ones I currently write most, I will think about other ideas to incorporate the named characters soon ^^

Last question was for any other advice and hope for the future of the blog and my fanfiction writing in general. And what can I say except that you guys are way too nice to me T^T9 Literally all of you left a compliment. Literally all of you, and I’m being honest here, I was a bit choked up when I saw the amount of positivity there. Thank you all so much for your participation, and I’m so glad you all like my writing so much you want to help me become better.

That would be it! Really short and to the point ^^ Again, thank you all for the support and the love you have shown me recently, it means so much to me. Then, see you all next Saturday for some spicy NSFW-headcanon/scenario for Yamato ;D Stay safe and sound, you all! :D

[troquantary]

Cutting Hair as Punishment in the Twilight Saga

Okay, I’ve been trying to organize my thoughts around this into a sort-of-essay format for a while, because I find it disturbingly mean-spirited: Meyer has a pattern of using hair-cutting as a form of punishment for characters, especially female characters, who fail to embrace Bella and the Cullens with open arms. I’m talking particularly about Leah and Lauren, both of whom, while not outright antagonists like Victoria or James, are situated along with Rosalie as “against” Bella throughout the series. The Quileute pack, meanwhile, is situated largely “against” the Cullens, meaning Jacob and the rest of the pack get the Haircut of Shame, too.

(Also, I’ve been creeping through @panlight ‘s blog because I thought she had a recent post relating to this -- I was probably thinking of this submission and her addendum, which does discuss Meyer’s “punishment” of certain characters, but that post was about characters suffering for not waiting for True Love, or daring to do the Devil’s Tango before marriage. Still, it’s on-theme and very much worth reading, like all her stuff!)

So here’s the general outline: first I’m gonna talk about the shapeshifters and how their overall lack of choice frames cutting their hair as something forced on them and therefore punitive. Then I’m going to discuss Meyer’s FAQ response where she reveals that Lauren was tricked into cutting off most of her hair over the summer before New Moon, and how this adds an extra fun misogynistic element to the hair-cutting theme with respect to Lauren and Leah. I also use way too many words to do it, sorry.

Punishment | The Shapeshifters Are Given No Other Option

I don’t have the background or knowledge to discuss the significance of long hair to indigenous culture and identity in detail, and my understanding is that different tribes ascribe different meanings to it. What I’ve read it about it suggests that, generally, long hair represents strength of one’s individual spirit and of the community. It’s a source of pride, and is only cut off voluntarily in extraordinary circumstances, often as an expression of grief, or to mark a significant life change.

This sort of works in the context of the shapeshifters all cutting their hair -- phasing into a giant wolf, discovering the existence of the supernatural, and assuming the role of protectors is a major life event for these characters. But the negative associations make it a troubling choice on Meyer’s part, and that’s without even getting into the problem of her imposing her own worldbuilding onto the legends and culture of a real tribe. Because of the lack of choice involved in becoming a shapeshifter, the whole situation feels like a scenario in which the Quileute characters have their hair forcibly cut -- a degrading and traumatic act that (depending on their particular tribal belief) might symbolically sever them from their sense of cultural identity and connection with the rest of their tribe.

It all kind of begs the question: why does Meyer even have shapeshifting work this way? What narrative utility is there in having the length of their hair in human form determine the length of their fur as wolves, thereby compelling the shapeshifters to cut it so it isn’t a physical impediment? It’s another sign of the changes in Jacob, sure, but he’s already being uncharacteristically cold and distant, plus suddenly has the physique of a fit twenty-five-year-old; Bella already knows something’s very wrong. His short hair is just another jarring thing for Bella to notice and mourn, like the loss of Jacob’s “baby face” and general sunniness.

It does work as a symbolic thing, representing another sacrifice Jacob has to make and the change in how he now has to perceive himself -- but he’s already got a literal giant wolf form to represent that change in identity/self-perception. Forcing him to cut his hair too just feels like piling on. My argument here, which I hope will be supported when I discuss Lauren and Leah further in, is that it’s not just piling on, but actively punitive -- because much like Leah and Lauren are “against” Bella, the pack at large is “against” the Cullens pretty much through the end of the series.

The Quileute pack is definitely not a Cullen fanclub. The entire purpose of their existence is to destroy vampires, and the truce they have with the Cullens isn’t friendly. They still don’t particularly like or trust the Cullens even after allying with them in Eclipse, and in Breaking Dawn Sam is fully prepared to go to war against them to enforce the treaty. Bella expresses frustration with Jacob and the pack for not appreciating the Cullens more, yet is curiously less willing to scold Alice, Edward, or Rosalie when they call the Quileutes dogs and complain about their smell. (I think she might reprimand Edward for it at some point, but I don’t remember the exact passage.) Bella even starts throwing around “dog” and “mutt” as an insult herself -- I think we know whose side ol’ “Switzerland” is on, here, and whose side Meyer is on as well. The Quileutes aren’t exactly enemies, and in fact are crucial to the Cullens’ survival in both the newborn and Volutri conflicts, but they’re punished nonetheless because they aren’t wholeheartedly Team Cullen from the get-go.

So to explain why I’m so convinced that there’s a link between hair-cutting and punishment in particular, let’s talk about Lauren. There’s a definite gendered element to it this time, too -- by being tricked into cutting her hair, Lauren isn’t just diminished/shamed, but rendered (*thunderclap*) unfeminine.

Lauren Was Rude To Bella Like Twice, Let’s Humiliate Her

I think Meyer’s answer to the question “What happened to Lauren’s hair?” on her FAQ page speaks for itself:

Ha ha. I had fun imagining this one—I only wished that it had fit into the book somewhere. Lauren fell victim to the “model discovered in the mall” scam. An alleged modeling agent approached Lauren in a mall in Victoria, B.C., and told her she was a natural model. Lauren ate it up. The agent told her that if she did something edgy with her hair, and took some high quality head shots, her future was assured. Lauren followed the instructions—dropping fifteen grand on the pictures taken by the agent’s partner—and waited for her career to begin. She’s still waiting. Snort.

It’s pretty obvious that this was done spitefully. Here’s the list of Lauren’s crimes against humanity Bella at this point in the series: 1) she was jealous of the attention Bella was getting as the new girl; 2) she talked behind Bella’s back once, saying Bella might as well just sit with the Cullens now (and she isn’t wrong); 3) she eyed Bella “scornfully” the day of the La Push beach trip; and perhaps most damningly, 4) she’s blonde.

Post-haircut, she has the gall not to be thrilled that Bella’s deigning to speak to the lowly non-Cullens again, then sides with Jessica after Bella uses Jessica to make a point to her dad, is shitty company, and then risks getting them both raped and murdered in Port Angeles so she could get off on her hallucination of Edward’s voice.

I think it’s pretty common knowledge that long hair is tied to patriarchal notions of femininity and attractiveness. Women with short hair are still derided for being ugly, or assumed to be lesbians in a derogatory sense, or simply considered less feminine and therefore less desirable/worthy (because a woman’s worth depends on her desirability, after all). For many women and girls, losing their long hair -- whether because of illness, or gum getting stuck in it, or whatever -- is very upsetting and a hard blow to their self-esteem. Just look at Alice as an example of Traumatic Short Hair; her hair was shorn like that because she received electroshock “treatments” in an asylum. (Although in Alice’s case, I don’t think her having short hair is punishment, but a facet of the traumatic backstory all female characters in Twilight have to have for some reason. Plus, she started the series with short hair, which distinguishes her from the pack and Lauren, who were tricked or compelled into cutting their long hair during the series.)

But Lauren’s so bitchy, so she deserves it, right? Ha ha, she was mean to Bella and cared about her appearance too much, so now she’s ~ugly!

Leah Has It the Worst and It Makes Me Want To Burn Everything

The misogynistic aspect of hair-cutting as punishment is taken up to like, twelve with Leah. Not only does she suffer for being “against” the Cullens along with the rest of the pack (and Bella, too, so extra sinning), but she suffers uniquely for being the only female shapeshifter. A bunch of teenage boys regularly see her naked body against her will. Her previously devoted boyfriend imprints on her cousin/best friend, Sam dumps her and can’t even explain why, and the whole pack -- including her own brother -- resents her for being upset about it, even though she can’t help the lack of mental privacy. Because of that same lack of mental privacy, she has to hear every gripe the boys have about her, plus every enthralled thought Sam has about Emily while she’s still deeply wounded by their breakup.

She blames herself for her dad’s death, because she phased at the wrong time. We don’t get any indication that her fellow shapeshifters or the elders are trying to reassure her otherwise.

And of course, because she’s a shapeshifter, she has to cut her hair. In addition, because Leah’s a woman, this has the same misogynistic connotations as it did with Lauren. In Leah’s case, though, the de-feminization is compounded by her sudden infertility. It’s clear that Leah attaches her sense of womanhood to her fertility, rightly or wrongly -- she bitterly calls herself a “genetic dead end” in Breaking Dawn and thinks of herself as a freak. She feels like there must be something wrong with her, some un-womanly flaw, that made her one of the shapeshifters at all.

Then, just when Jacob starts to see her as a human being worthy of compassion, he imprints on Renesmee and doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything else anymore. No more bonding with Leah, no blooming friendship to help her heal and come to terms with the new realities of her life. (This is one of those dropped threads that aggravate me to no end -- what was the point of having Leah opening up to Jacob, or starting Jacob on the path of realizing he was being a dick to her this whole time and that she’s a person with  value, if he was just going to spend the rest of the book as Renesmee’s love-zombie and never think about it again? Disgusting.)

Leah was a lot more forgiving of Jacob than he deserved at that point in the story, for all the good it did her -- I think she’s mentioned maybe once in Book 3 of Breaking Dawn. At least she got her god-tier moment of yelling at a deranged, pregnant Bella Swan.

Speaking of Bella...

I’m just going to note, for no particular reason, that in Breaking Dawn we get to hear explicitly that Bella’s got hair that falls “almost to her waist” and that she looks like “a freaking supermodel” because she’s so “beautiful and pale.” It just strikes me as a telling contrast at this point.

[im-going-to-cryo-bust]

heyy,may i request with diluc and kaeya, s/o who gets hurt but like doesn't tell them till someone slips it up.Thank you!!

Diluc and Kaeya on: fem!s/o getting hurt

WARNING: angst/hurt with comfort

You end up in the hospital after a series of rookie mistakes. It's not your first time, so you reassure your teammates and plead them to keep quiet about it. It only takes a few weeks or only one day, considering that elemental healing will speed up the process. All you have to do is lie down and pray that no one spills the beans until things are better or confirmed...

Kaeya is in the center of Mondstadt so it’s impossible to avoid him, he did suspect that your mission is going on longer than usual

Ah, but what was the point of secrecy? Kaeya is too good at sweet talking that he found out in an hour - majority of that hour spent hunting down your party members.

He'll most likely "accidentally" stumble into your party members and bait them to a willing, subtle interrogation

He'll tease out little hints and piece everything together without even needing a direct answer

If you had a minor injury

He would take some time on the way to buy you a snack or gift to make you feel better. He spends a little longer more than he would like, cursing a bit and choosing one of the three presents he thought you might like. You hear rhythmic knocks on your door and the door swings open, Kaeya dramatically walking in with a smug smirk on his face. "How are you doing?"

You roll your eyes as Kaeya saunters in, sitting next to you and holding a gift in his hands. He laughs, but he looks nervous. His leg shakes erratically despite him pushing down on it, knuckles white. Then you remember the way his eyes flickering around the room, averted by his vexing smirk. Before you can talk about it, he interrupts with a distraction, the gift. He observes you with a smile as you brighten up at the sight of it, feeling a lot more better at the sight of you. 

Kaeya continues to distract you with teases that get you all riled up (adorable and hilarious in his opinion) and discussing the nervous nature of your encountered party member. You take the opportunity to retort about his nervousness. He looks stunned for a second, but he chuckles, “I knew I couldn’t get anything past you..” He hesitates. “I was worried when your friends looked so anxious, I was preparing myself for...” ‘The worst.’ Kaeya leaves it as it is, bitter smile in the pensive atmosphere. You clutch his hand tighter and Kaeya lightens up, reciprocating and knitting your hands together.

“When they said it was minor and you would recover soon, it was like a boulder was lifted off my chest.” He pats your head, his touch lingering longer and his gaze fond. “I’m glad, glad that you’re okay.”

If you had a major injury

"What?" His charming smile disappears, words slipping through a frown of gritted teeth, daring (even hopeful) for the person to say it's a joke. The answer doesn't matter, he can tell from their expression. He only allows a flash of pure terror to be seen by them, pushing through the crowds of people to reach the hospital.

When he bursts into the room to see you, his eyes fixated on yours. He freezes at the door, processing everything now while you are there, alive, in front of him. He refuses the voice in his head feeding into his fears, making him scared to come closer for a confirmation. He might have to face it: a loss and an emptiness.

But then you weakly smile and reach out for him; and he can finally breathe again. He is so urgent that he stumbles to get there, to give you comfort. Finally, when he sits next to you, you can see closer the joy but weariness in his expression. He has a smile unlike Kaeya, ridden with anxieties and unable to fool even a domestic dog. He pecks your hand and sandwiches it between his, familiar warmth wrapping around your hand. You start to fall asleep, exhausted by the events of today, and Kaeya overlooks worryingly. These injuries happen all the time, it's part of the job, but it doesn't make it any better to see - especially when it involves you. He swears and curses under his breath, not wanting to wake you up. 'It's best for her to get some rest', he tries to assure himself from his concerns, but he can't stop his stupid leg from shaking. He hangs his head, still clutching your hand, and he allows a few tears to fall despite himself. He closes his eyes and focuses on the touch of you, calming down and slowing down his breaths knowing that you are here, alive and well, next to him.

When you wake up, Kaeya's head lies uncomfortably asleep with a disturbed expression on his face. Your hand is intertwined with his while you both were sleeping, seeking that familiar heat that made you feel ever better. He mumbles in his sleep, his grip tightening on your hand as often as his eyebrows furrow. Your touch soothes him, the tension and wrinkles on his face vanishes when you lovingly stroke his hair or gently caress his cheek. As long as he can feel your warmth, he can sleep much better.

He would either find it through his acquaintance in Mondstadt’s hospital or be told at the winery. 

It’s not pleasant either way, especially since there would be a period of unsettling silence after the metaphorical beans have been spilt

His interrogating is less subtle than Kaeya, very straight forward and to the point so he can get to where you are faster with preparation

Diluc uses the classic, intimidation method that is amplified by his resolve to see you and assure himself that you are safe

If you had a minor injury

You hear soft knocks on your door and a tentative voice asking from your lover, giving you a forewarning before he comes in. He doesn’t waste a second to be by your side, assessing your injury in closer detail then lightly scolding you out of the worry. It might take 2-6 minutes just for him to calm down and get it all out. Diluc is sensitive to your injuries, fearing the worst when anything happens, and he finds it childish; always trying to hide it with his lectures. This grumpy façade falls quickly, like always, after reassurance from you and inspecting your wellbeing with his own eyes. 

Diluc sighs, "...but it's a minor injury, and you’re Y/n L/n.” He smiles assuredly and it encourages you because of how confident he is of you.

He’ll cling to you, self-aware of his behaviour and evidently embarrassed about it, but does it nonetheless with pink cheeks. You pretend not to see when he hesitantly leans on you or when his hand lingers on yours while you both chat about everything else. Soon you’ll find him pecking your cheek or kissing you more than usual

“It’s to make you feel better.” He mumbles going in for another after you tease him about it. Kisses are one of the things he uses to be expressive for his love for you, so he becomes generous when you get hurt like this and gets more affectionate to hopefully “love” the pain away.

If you had a major injury

Diluc is shell shocked; colour draining from his face in favour of raw fear. He is reminded of the dreadful past and it toys with his heart, stringing it along to his vulnerability of you. He fails to fully grasp his thoughts but his legs move on their own to see you, to feel you and to know for sure that you're okay. He pushes and shoves through people in his way, silent to anyone that approaches. He finds it hard to breathe, maybe it's how he ran to the hospital or the tight cinching in his chest.

When he enters your room, he'll take in your form and process the injuries you've sustained. He looks more horrified and panicked the longer he looks. He beats himself over it and swallowing the growing shame in his throat. ‘How could I have let this happen?’ Past buried memories come alive and it gets harder for him to stay grounded. These things don’t go away easily, he knows from experience, and he’s afraid of the unknown future and of what will happen next. What if you don’t recover and... Bad thoughts choke him up and he wallows deeper into it.

But then you smile, like nothing is wrong; even though that small action took so much energy and you end up wincing in pain. Diluc looks heartbroken.

No moment is spared when he is next to you, he'll even fall on his knees and just, cry. It's like all this tension in his chest is released at once. It's scary, worrying even, and you start to wonder who's supposed to worry over who. You stroke his hair and mumble comforting words, his sobbing dissolves into embarrassed sniffles. He remarks on it, but you reassure him that it's endearing.

You both might fall asleep like that; your hand on his nest of hair and his head on the hospital bed. There are some times you wake up and see Diluc awake in cold sweats, tightly gripping on the covers of your bed, pale as a ghost in the night. He tells you to go back to sleep and rest, but you wait until he does. He guilty stares at you as you stay up, half-awake at 2am, about how it’s fine and how it’s going to be okay. He shakes his head and looks pitifully at you, flinching at your injuries - more effected than you are. It makes you upset and a little frustrated, so you sigh and reach out to him. He leans close and you kiss him on the forehead, expressing a passionate-believe me glare. Then he remembers that he trusts you, you are the Y/n he loves. He smiles gratefully, and when you wake up in the morning he is still snoring asleep. 

🌼💫 Hello, sorry for the inactivity, it’s just that I got quite stuck. But now it’s over and this is the result :) This is a very very long post, so I had to put a “keep reading” or else people uninterested would have to keep scrolling for 5 minutes. A reminder is that this is what I hc Diluc and Kaeya to act, it’s not definite and it’s fine if you disagree because this is imaginary and based on subjective perceptions. If you do enjoy these hcs, do check out my blog for more and tell me if you do!